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Re: My Scan Results for followup of Renal Cell Carcinoma
Kidney Cancer | Last Active: Feb 15, 2021 | Replies (37)Comment receiving replies
JK, at first I found the idea of going to a psychiatrist a bit insulting. But I have gone through a traumatic event. I think I have some PTSD from this entire ordeal. I lost a kidney! It seems to be bothering me more lately. My oncologist’s nurse told me I was more “anxious”than the average patient that bothered me. I felt she was being very judge mental. I find I tend to be more irritable and annoyed with people and situations. I am impatient and I really dislike being in large crowds of people! Like at a mall or large store. Not phobia just all those people I see then as obstacles. This is not my “normal” me. I have to watch what I say also. I told a woman to get out of the way at a grocery store. She was blocking the aisle with her shopping cart. Normally I would be more polite and move around. But I felt myself become aggressive towards her. This is Not like me at all. So something is or has happened to me psychologically. I think I will see the psychiatrist just to see how it goes. I do need to calm down in general! Having a cancer diagnosis disagreed with me! I don’t like the idea of “interval” living. That’s what I call Surveillance. Every 4 months I will be scannned for a year. So the cycle, the scanxiety, the waiting for results, this will repeat! How do people deal with this? I hope it doesn’t drive me crazy! This coming week I have to see 2 specialists. I don’t want to go! If I develop Mets I really don’t know how I would take that. I am trying to be positive because at present I am cancer free. It is very difficult for me right now. I think is best to see a psychiatrist then reach for a gin and tonic. Thank you checking on me. I appreciate it!
Replies to "JK, at first I found the idea of going to a psychiatrist a bit insulting. But..."
First of all, you are NOT alone.
I agree with what JK says.
I also lost a kidney. Only thing is, nobody knew for years and years until my remaining kidney started to fail and scans revealed a totally atrophied left kidney with around 22% function in the right one.
I was furious! How could I not have known? How could this not have shown up on lab tests? Why did I have to develop diabetes which likely did most of the damage, along with kidney stones and bouts of kidney infections? How dare the universe ruin one of my kidneys? And how dare other people get in my way, speak to me at all, go about their business when I'm scared poop-less?
I was cross, cranky, irritable, asked a zillion questions.
But no nurse or doctor ever told me I was "more anxious." That nurse should have her license jerked.
Of course I was anxious. Of course you are anxious. Of course I was grumpy. Of course you feel grumpy.
Just know that the anger and fear probably will subside the more you know because knowledge is power.
I, too, resent the "invasions" of my privacy with tests and scans but I also now welcome them because at least I will know what's going on and can take appropriate measures.
The difference between us is that I didn't see a therapist formally as I am a member of a 12-step program which gives me tools - and expert people - to deal with my issues of resentment and fear and one of them happens to actually be a therapist.
I would venture to say that most of us here feel or at least have felt like you do and we are here for you. You can vent, rant, complain and we all will understand and support you. Together this group has some answers. . .
You are not alone!
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@azkidney57 I think the nurse who told you that you are more anxious than the average patient was totally out of line. Not only was she being judgemental, but that was simply tactless. Nurses should be trying to make you feel better, not worse.
I can understand your impatience in the grocery store. I find myself having less patience with people too at times. I just attribute it to be older. So far I have generally been able to resist saying anything. I just see a little cartoon type of bubble above my head with what I would like to say! It works for me. Consider yourself lucky that you can have that gin and tonic -- being post-transplant I cannot have any alcohol. There are days when I would love to have a glass of wine to help me unwind.
As we get older we have more and more health problems of course and I don't think that sets well with anyone but we have to accept it and do the best we can. I am under surveillance for cancer and have yearly MRIs. I am able to put it out of mind generally but do worry prior to it. I think that's just natural.
I hope you get back to us on how the doctor appointments go this week, I will be hoping for the best for you.
JK