@albiet

That's a good question, one that I'm not sure how to answer.

I had been taking Wellbutrin for more than ten years, and between that and therapy I had come a long way from the dark depths of depression and suicidal thoughts and attempts. But a few years ago I was heading back to the black hole, so I made an appointment with the psychiatrist and he had me try Mirtazapine. After a couple of dosage adjustments I started to feel a difference.

I don't think that anything I take makes me not think about my issues. I still have thoughts about suicide and guilt and anxiety. Depression is more than just issues. I guess that would be depression that has triggers or is related to situations or relationships. When I plummeted to the bottom of the hole, life was going well. I can't point to anything that would be a trigger. For me, I think it was more an organic problem in my brain that required medical intervention. I spent two years or so to find through trial and error the medication that my brain needed.

The issues I have were addressed in therapy - things related to PTSD and anxiety and self-esteem.

Something that's been in my thoughts lately is a sense of not feeling any emotions because my meds are keeping me stable. I know that that's desirable, but it leaves me feeling flat. I think that one reason for that is that I'm not seeing a therapist right now, and haven't for several months. The man who was my therapist for a year was really good. I told him things that I'd never told anyone. But he left with just a two week notice because he had to go and tend to some family problems, and I don't click at all with the woman who took his place. I don't know at this point what I'm going to do. The only therapists in my area who accept Medicare are the ones who work through the hospital. There's no way I could afford to pay for it.

But at least I don't have the mood swings now, except maybe for discouragement. I'm able to process the suicidal thoughts and some days I can make myself get up out of the recliner and accomplish something.

Here it is, midnight, and I need to go to sleep. Thanks for asking.

Jim