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I'm in my 15th year of treatment for depression, anxiety, PTSD and suicidal ideation. I know that I have to be aware of my wrong thinking, that people are out to get me, or that I'll abandon my wife if I commit suicide and she'll have to shoulder a monumental task of selling our home, getting rid of all of my stuff, to have to live without my Social Security check, to lose her partner of 47 years, and the guilt list goes on and on and on.
Most of the time I can pull up those thoughts and stop myself from taking my life. So I guess catastrophising is a good thing in that situation if it keeps me alive.
Self awareness can be a help, to recognize what's going on in my head, and deal with it before it's too late. Learning the triggers of our faulty thinking enables us to see them coming, to move away from the triggers. Some people know that a particular place is always a trigger, so they learn not to go there. Relationships can set off lots of faulty thinking.
Suicidal ideation is a tough nut to crack. Even more so if we have attempted it. I'm learning to move away from those thoughts before I get serious about acting on it.
One thing we were taught in the safe house was to look back on the day and rate it on a scale of 1-10. I continue to do that now, 13 years later. Ten would be the happiest, best day of my life. A1 day can't get rated because I'd be dead. 4 is a day when I was setting my plan into motion. Death is all I think about. I lived at 4 for a long time. When I could write 5, I felt like I'd climbed a big hurdle. Even then, I sometimes found myself dangling my feet into the dark hole. The step up to 6 was a major accomplishment, and that's where I've been stuck for several years. I guess that 6 is my new 9.
Enough about me. My tools won't necessarily be yours. Therapists are good for leading us to see the tools we can use. My best therapists have been the ones I felt safe in being completely open to. I told them things I had never said out loud. That's been very therapeutic for me.
Language is something that bears consideration. Words like never, always, should, shouldn't are a few to watch out for.
That's all I have energy to write right now. I look forward to reading more from you.
Jim
Replies to "@guener I'm in my 15th year of treatment for depression, anxiety, PTSD and suicidal ideation. I..."
@jimhd I'm so sorry to hear of your tough road you travel. My thought and prayers are for you and all who have depression. In your tool box do you write the past down then burn it ? Getting rid of those past feelings maybe beneficial for you and all with these thoughts then focus just on the present and how happy you can make others and yourself. Just a thought . The past is just that the past let it burn and be in the present I know that is tough but can be done God bless you Jim
Hello @jimhd
I agree with what you said that "Language is something that bears consideration. Words like never, always, should, shouldn't are a few to watch out for."
Using a word like "sometimes" is a good way to avoid catastrophizing. Positive self-talk such as, "If I feel this way, I can always....". Each person can fill in their own blank, such as call a friend, take a short walk, write a note to someone who is ill., etc. Putting these statements in a toolbox to pull out when they are needed is a great idea.
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@jimhd , I appreciate the detail of your response, and how you have shared where on a continuum you have seen yourself over time.
Over the past couple of years I have been tracking a number of symptoms on a scale measurement for my chronic disease (Crohn's) as well as for my depression and anxiety, and it is helpful with that much information to see the ups and downs and the progression that I have made toward managing how I feel both physically and mentally. Just thinking about whether my mental problems are a disease or a malady to manage is interesting in its own facets, I'm not sure. I, too, rarely bump up into the the happy range when it comes to how I feel about myself, it is usually neutral right now. Compared to where I have been and how I was *moving* on the scale downward is something I can be pleased to see.
I can relate to the negative thoughts of catastrophizing as setting a sort of boundary against going further than the end, and that kept me from taking some final step more than once. Other times my thinking was simply so disorganized that I wonder how I've made it in the past to survive. I attribute my being alive today to medication and to therapy to help me with the physiological aspects of my depression and with the anxiety control. Today I just go in for regular medication review and "maintenance" therapy sessions to make sure that I'm still doing well with the tools that I have that work for me.
My biggest concern with running down the road toward catastrophe today would be continued financial worry, and I am constantly mindful of my thoughts about that when it begins to really worry me. I have to think of the positive things that I can do when my creditors will come calling that will allow me to continue, and not to see myself running toward a terrible apotheosis. I think I can handle it.