Connect
← Return to Emotional health after cancer: How are you doing really?
Discussion
Emotional health after cancer: How are you doing really?
Cancer: Managing Symptoms | Last Active: Mar 30 8:05pm | Replies (257)Comment receiving replies
Colleen, I went from being told stage 2 pancreatic cancer based on PET MRI to being told two days later it was stage 4 based on biopsy of a small liver spot they found during laparoscopic exam. This too has a pretty poor prognosis, but I've done very well with chemo at Mayo. My partner does the cooking too, but he's always been a better cook than I anyhow. I too do acupuncture and understand that it addresses our mind, sprit and emotion in addition to the physical, so I plan to continue. I read a good book - Radical Remission by Dr. Kelly Turner. It gave me hope and ideas of how to supplement the chemo with other things. I love your ten things a day list and I'm going to try it. Also please consider writing a sheet of your own final wishes even if he cannot discuss it. I want to die in hospice, not at home or hospital. Hospitals are impersonal and crowded, but in hospice, nurses can keep you clean, keep your morphine coming, suction you, etc. so loved ones only have to be fully present for you. They can step out for a breather when needed.
I have designated the music I want played, the hand lotion I want, and instructions like no political discussions or contentious arguments in my room even if I appear to be sleeping or unconscious. Hope this helps and wishing you peace and all good.
Replies to "Colleen, I went from being told stage 2 pancreatic cancer based on PET MRI to being..."
Hi @susandc I just wanted to add a real world example of how solid your thoughts on writing down your final wishes is.
My wife dictated to me her final wishes. She picked the music, the celebrant, location (our home), food, wine, eulogists (not me as she said I would talk too long and cry too much), cremation, locations for her ashes to be scattered, and for a variety of personal reasons she even had me write down who she wanted invited. As she put it, rather indelicately, 'Scott, I don't want anyone standing around in our home blowing smoke up your (body part) telling you how much they cared about me after I'm dead when they didn't give a (you can guess what) about me when I was alive.' She then shared this information with our adult children and her best friend so there was a core of folks who knew what was to go on and why.
She also decided to give her favorite jewelry and art to some family and friends before she died. She said she wanted to be the one to personally hand it to the next 'owner' and be able to tell them each why their item was special to her and why she wanted them to specifically have it.
She was in home hospice for the last 14 months of her war with brain cancer and we both were very pleased that she made this choice.
Not for everyone I am sure, but just wanted to share our experience with this.
Strength, courage, and peace.
Connect
Thanks Susandc. BTW, I am Connie, not Colleen. I love the idea of your list. I will do that. I also want both of us to make a list of jewelry and family items that we want our children and grandchildren to have. Many years ago when I was still a teenager our family dentist got a terminal diagnosis and they put everything in his wife’s name. She was in an accident and passed away before him and he had a nightmare straightening it out while ill. I keep telling him that no one on this earth knows our expiration date and while it would appear to be obvious, sometimes it isn’t.