@sunflower012- Welcome to Connect. It sounds as if you have been having a terrible time. I am a lung cancer survivor and I can really relate to the mental fog and memory loss that surrounds us with chemo/immunotherapy. It took quite a long time for me to get as much back as I was going to. I don't think that it all came back, especially memories. When someone does remind me that I did something or was someplace my surprise is always accompanied by a pleasant surprised of experiencing it all again. lol
At first no one's use to dealing with cancer. Cancer is like a freight train. I comes at you with full speed and it tramples you, leaving you to scrape up what is left.
There are so many phases that we go through after our "treatments" that it's difficult to pin point, at least for me, which one was worse. I know that losing your breasts is much different than losing lung lobes. Mine are not visible, but the sense of loss is still there even if no one can see it. I felt myself pull back from everyone but family with each of my 4 cancers and I don't know if my self isolation helped my recovery or not. During that time I had a chance, like many cancer patients, to exam life's questions and where I fit in. To me the point of surviving was that I had survived and I owed it to live my best in honor and in memory of all those who didn't make it. I felt that I needed to give hope, just by my survival and to tell my story so that others might do the same.
I do not think that the point of surviving has to be a complicated secret. Keeping things as simple as can be when times are tough might help. Does any of this makes sense?