Oh Eileen61! As I understand you! Last fall, my neurosurgeon did not dare give me my diagnosis, GBM grade 4. I learned it from another doctor who had my file in hand. I will never forget this November 7, 2018. I was devastated. After that, I spent several weeks feeling like a death row in "the death corridor." It's awful!
I quickly realized that my neurosurgeon had not told me anything because he knew that my diagnosis was not clear. Neuro-oncology is an embryonic science. It's a medicine that does not know much. The neurosurgeon who is following me now is reputed to be one of the best in Canada where I live, and even he often tells me that he does not know what is happening with my tumor. He is searching. It is terrible for the sick people who can not be treated, but at the same time, this bad knowledge is like a breach that gives way to hope. Some people survive. There are so many unknowns. Why would not be myself an exception? According to my readings on the Internet, I should have died in spring 2019. But I'm still there, and rather in good condition! Why would not you be an exception? One of those people who will have the chance to grow old?

The letter M of the GBM means Multiform. Each GBM is unique and even cancer cells in the tumor may be different from each other. It is a tumor that can take many forms. You are at the beginning of a long battle but maybe it will not be as difficult as you imagine now. No one knows the future. Perhaps the care that will be offered to you will not diminish you as much as you can anticipate. Request multiple opinions.

A familly doctor, new friend who has a GBM like us, talked to me about a very good book: Radical Remission of Kelly A Turner. She met cancer survivors and became interested in the commonalities they had. She has selected 9 points in common. I am reading it now. It helps me. It could also help you.

There are things you can do to build strength. You can do the ketogenic diet, take DCA and EGCG supplements, do yoga and meditation ... You have to breathe and rejoice to be always there, even in panic, it’s a proof that you are alive! Your pain touches me so much. Above all, do not be embarrassed to go for help. There are readings, like Irvin Yalom's, Staring at the Sun, which helps to get your head out of the water, to breathe.

No one knows the future. Not even the doctors, specially concerning brain tumor. We have unsuspected strengths in us that can help heal. I'm confident that you'll get by, that you still have good years to live. Breathe.
Kisses.
Catherine marcyprof