It was May of 1985 and I had serious thoughts of hurting my wife and infant children. I remember going into the bathroom of the motel my wife and I were at and I was so scared I saw the devil in the mirror. At that point I woke my wife and told her my thoughts and please watch over me. I was doing a lot of drugs at the same time (snorting all kinds). It happened a second time a month or so later. That "fear" has always been with me. Certainly after all these years I would say to myself "Oh, you can have a glass of wine to be social". Hundreds of times and after the first year or two I would say "You've come so far. Why screw it up?" Like all addictions - the urges don't come as frequent; but when they do............."Be PREPARED" I do envy those that can have that glass of wine with dinner; but it's just the way I'm wired. EVERYTHING I enjoy.....I go off the deep end.