@hotfooted I understand your situation. I was in a similar situation with my elderly disabled parents who had promised each other never to go into a nursing home, and after my mom fell and broke her pelvis, foot and ankle, I had to help take care of them both and I was never home. My dad also broke a hip and both were in wheelchairs. I would hire caregivers when I could find them and most couldn't pass a background check, and the care giving companies didn't want to service this rural area, and I had to relieve the hired help, and handle all the things an employer has to do, and my parents didn't want to spend money on their care, so we were limited to their social security for resources. The nursing home had decreed 24 hour care was mandatory and hence the need to pay for that, and that is more than one person can do without help. We tried to find assisted living, but they rejected my dad, so the only other option was an in home caregiver situation. I didn't get help from siblings, so all of it fell on me, and during this time, my spine condition caused constant pain. I needed surgery, and saw 5 local surgeons, none of which would help me, but I helped get my mom through ankle surgery that was needed because her tendons shortened after the fractures healed. My dad was an end stage heart patient and became an invalid, and I was exhausted all the time and grieving his loss. Essentially this was just like a nursing home, and I was doing necessary things that a daughter shouldn't be doing for her dad. When he did pass, I finally could take care of my own health issues, and that is when Mayo called with an appointment for a spine consult. I had surgery at Mayo, and rested and healed. I was in a neck brace for 4 months and couldn't drive and I heard lots of complaints about how much longer would it be until I could drive again and come back to all the chores and responsibility that the others didn't want to do. My parents just expected me to give up my life for them, and didn't expect this of my siblings. My siblings are a lot like your son, and they put themselves first, and step back so that I will need to take responsibility. My parents didn't accept the realtity of the situation or that they we unable to take care of themselves. Some of that was because my dad had a traumatic brain injury in his 60's and lost the ability for good judgment and reasoning, but he thought he was fine. My mom is still living, and doesn't drive, but she is able to live on her own now and stays in her wheelchair. I still do things for her and take her to appointments, but I can go back home. This takes over your life, and there is very little left over, and I still have all the responsibility. Still with as hard as all this was and still is, I would do it again. I need to be able to live with myself, and I wouldn't like myself if I acted like my siblings. Since my surgery at Mayo a couple years ago, I am doing fine, and I'm here is you need to talk. These were the hardest years of my life.

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