@parus Please, there should be no shame nor guilt to admit needing help. It shows you value yourself enough to reach out. How can we help you?
Ginger

@parus, this is your time to get, not give. Here are some bladder cancer related discussions that you can read and ask questions of other members if you want:
- My dad has a mass on bladder and kidney not functioning https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/my-dad-has-a-mass-on-bladder-and-kidney-not-functioning/
- Bladder Cancer/Small cell bladder cancer https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/small-cell-bladder-cancer/
- Bladder cancer https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/bladder-cancer-20c2b4/

I acknowledge that this will be a cancer journey as well as a tremendous inner battle within yourself because of past experiences and abuse. Remember that were and are a precious child. There is absolutely no part of your body that is dirty. @vsinn2000 had to struggle with similar issues when she was diagnosed with vulvar cancer. Read her story and the patience she gathered to get the treatment she needed here:
- Radiation therapy for vulvar cancer https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/radiation-therapy-for-vulvar-cancer/

Parus, A part of your body - the bladder - needs help. Like you, it's not used to getting all this attention. But the only way it and you can get treatment is to allow it to get the attention it needs. Let me repeat, there is NO PART of your body that is dirty. You and your bladder deserve to get the treatment that is right for you. Tell your care team how you feel. You deserve to be treated with respect and your past acknowledged. We're here. We're listening.

We’re all here to support you @parus ! In only a fe short months, I feel as though I know even though I’ve never met you. What you are going through is just so difficult and you’ve always shown such grace. I admire that. I’ll check in on you occasionally and put a virtual hand on your shoulder. Would that be ok?