While we may say we understand your pain, or that we've been there, truly no one can understand your situation or have been exactly where you are. Jesus is the ONLY one who can meet you in your pain and has the Power to change AND heal you. We humans have the tendency to only look at our situation on our horizontal plain while God works from a vertical viewpoint, seeing everything, everywhere, every time! Just to encourage with how God as worked in my life: i was physically dead from smoke inhalation, the doctors tried every chemical known to man to bring me back and when I asked what happened, the doctor said "Basically you died". After severe depression, in a catatonic state, Doctors said they tried everything, nothing worked, and unless they tried shock treatments, I would be a vegetable in a mental institute for the rest of my life! God did not let that happen. Bottom lines: Don't give up--not ever! God loves you and HE works ALL things for good to those who love HIM. I will be praying for you.