I’m guessing my fathers drinking increased over the years with depression and the stress of a young family and working in a big old industrial plant that was very polluting and dangerous. I’m thinking my brother wasn’t exposed to it when he was a toddler etc. I never asked my mother. I should have. Maybe. I really miss the dad I rarely saw. Maybe I have perpetual heartache. A deep loss. A lost connection. I adored my grandparents. They made me feel so at ease and gave me a deep sense of belonging. Sigh. I need to focus on me and stop ruminating.

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