@gingerw

Aah, thank you so much for responding!

To respond to your first statement, I do agree that my age could definitely play a part in this. It's not something I'm wholly certain of, though -- it's more like, at what point do we that there may be something more going on besides just growing up? I don't deny that my age could play a part, because it certainly could be! I'm growing up, gaining more knowledge about the world, having a lot of revelations, and building my own world view & beliefs, so it's naturally going to be a tough time, as it's the part of my life where I'm still developing my own identity, if that makes sense. Still, I can't really believe that what's going on with me is natural, because while we all go through the process of figuring ourselves out, this has... more to it. It's less about the eating/sleeping schedule being messed up (because I can contribute that to moving and the different timezone), but it's moreso the irrational guilt and low self-esteem that troubles me. For example, I nearly broke down in tears when my friend sent me a message telling me how much they cared about me and how amazing they thought I was, because I didn't feel like I deserved their words. Sure, it might not be depression -- but it's definitely something, although I'm not really 100% sure what to think about it.

Second off, I do definitely plan to talk to my therapist about all this. I think I might make a list of all my concerns and bring them up to her, once the appointment rolls around. Does anyone know the legal/ethical guidelines for therapists regarding minors, though? I know that therapists only are obligated to disclose personal information if they think you're at suicide risk, homicidal risk, or if they suspect any type of abuse going on. Still, since I'm a minor, would my therapist be obligated to disclose other things (for example, my irrational guilt) to my parents? I'm not sure how the guidelines fall into that, and I'm not wholly comfortable with the idea of my parents being aware of how bad my self-esteem has fallen.

Finally, I really appreciate your kind words! I want to reassure you that I'm not at any risk of doing anything of the sort. They're passive thoughts, and not the kind I plan to ever act on. I wouldn't ever want to do that to my friends and family, and I know that things will get better - It's more so that I fear WHEN they'll get better. It's like, "If I stick this out another year or so, I know that I'll be okay." But I also know I won't get this time back again, and that saddens me, in a way. Time is precious, after all.