Hello Chris, you express yourself so well. Since I have PTSD I was never allowed to do that because they told me what I was thinking. I my eyes I was wallpaper. My mother used to like to dress me up because even strangers would say to her, you have a beautiful daughter. My own daughter used to tell me, "when are you going to look like a mother" I always dressed tailored, proper for age even now. I never knew what she meant? She also used to say, "when are you going to get lines on your face" in my life a complement turns Neg. We don't speak anymore. My Psychologist told me as of now she is Toxic. you see, I was always told all my life how pretty I was, nice figure. By men and women. I loved the attention, I needed it badly. I never look at my reflection because I have never like what I saw. No matter all the attention I had from the outside I never could see what people saw to this day. I'm older, people say I'm pretty but the attention is almost gone. I still look for it but the thing that made me feel good about myself is almost gone. When I do leave the home I hate!!! looking in the mirror! I can't leave my "husband" I have no one else. Last night he told me his son is coming up again! Do I mind? I said yes, he, well he is my son and he is staying over night! I screamed, went to his face he said, YOU ARE NUTS!! LOOK AT YOU! made me worse! All I will say. I married 3 abusive men. My father took care of one of them by giving that person a warning to stay away. My dad is gone now. My bank messed up my account I had proof to show, husband said, You must have forgotten to do something!! Of course he would say that. If he didn't do what he did with my inheritance I could have had the help I need and left him. I have to say I am sincerely happy for you. I will never get over Neurosurgeons who never educated me on the serious effects of of spine surgery and procedures! Had no control of that too. They are such a powerful group. Passive Aggressive one never knows who will be walking through that front door. You helped me to open up a bit. Leary but I did it. Thank You