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Depression: Handling Ups and Downs in Marriage and other relationships
Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: Jul 28, 2022 | Replies (57)Comment receiving replies
@kimspr3 - I'm sorry to hear that there is no change in your husband noticing your limping, pain and difficulties from the adhesive arachnoiditis. I can imagine this causes emotional pain for you and is heartbreaking to not feel like your husband understands or is empathic with your pain, or is reaching out with thoughtfulness.
Sounds as though you have made some good decisions in self-care by having your psychiatrist talk with him about this and also talking to the social worker from the visiting nurse about maintaining your dignity.
Hoping that @merpreb @windwalker @artscaping and others will have some input for you, especially as you are starting to give up that things will turn around with him.
You talked about wondering how your husband feels, as you are not the same person you used to be. Wondering if you are considering having a serious conversation with him soon to ask him more about how he feels?
Replies to "@kimspr3 - I'm sorry to hear that there is no change in your husband noticing your..."
Hi Lisa, Giving up I meant, giving up in so may ways. Taking care of myself, I can not eat. My P.M. Dr. knows and Psychologist knows. My husband can only change for a day, 20 min. He wants me to ask him if I need help. I will NOT he likes to be asked! Rarely on his own. I must keep my pride and dignaty around him. He is not a communicator, never was. At time he will look at me with a blank stare if I try. I'm not as shy as I once was. I can't break the habit of saying to him "may I". "can I" I need to be more conscience of that! I wish I could hug all of you and give you the warmth and concern back to let you know I am here for you also.
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@kimspr3, Good evening. I am feeling so much empathy for your relationship situation. I have been in this situation with 4 different relationships over the last 44 or so years. Every time, I tell myself I am not going down that rabbit hole again. And yet, I hold out hope for finding a partner who understands what being a buddy means. Be that as it may, I think men are what I call "fix it" folks.
They want to jump in and fix it so that they can get on with their landscape project or a fishing trip. So what happens when the new normal for you is chronic pain and a limited ability to be of assistance in taking out the trash or weeding the flower beds. Is this time for a marathon chat about your feelings and your medical issues? You give it try and start speaking only to hear, "I get it. I get it." And then you see him checking his phone.
What is the message here? In essence, he appears to be giving you nothing that could be considered warm and fuzzy. And yet, the real answer is that he is the one who feels inadequate because he can't help you. What activities do you enjoy together? When is the last time you went to a movie? They have those wonderful lounge chairs now.
My partner and I are committed buddies. I go to his medical and treatment visits. He goes to mine. That's really new for me because I am the one that feels uncomfortable talking about medical issues with my medical provider and my buddy. Do you go together to medical appointments? It's a great way to have a memory backup.
We are learning...we take small steps. Please let me know if you are able to have a chat and clarify some dangling issues. In the meantime may you be free of suffering and have a restful sleep. Chris