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Depression: Handling Ups and Downs in Marriage and other relationships
Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: Jul 28, 2022 | Replies (57)Comment receiving replies
My husband of 47 yrs was diagnosed w/ALZ, 9 yrs ago, at the age of 69; I was 59. He is still with me at home. We moved to a very active retirement community in central FL, 7 yrs ago. There is a weekly, free respite program he attends for 3 hrs at a local church; monthly I attend a support group w/caregivers at the same time, for 70 mins. I try to exercise in a nearby pool, year round. 5x/wk., for 90 mins., in the early morning, plus play mah-jongg for 3 hrs/wk. We attend weekly neighborhood parties (1 hr) & monthly beach club outings & events w/residents from our former state. We often take naps & play board games (Rummikub, Sequence, Scrabble) 3-4x/wk. He is on 3 meds & 4 supplements. The only surgeries he has had since the diagnosis were on his cataracts & a hernia. We often run errands using the golf cart, which he enjoys alot. He loves sitting on the porch & talking w/neighbors. He walks with a friend weekly for about an hr. Our time apart from each other, even when I'm napping & he is on the porch, helps me remain somewhat sane during this very challenging journey.
Replies to "My husband of 47 yrs was diagnosed w/ALZ, 9 yrs ago, at the age of 69;..."
@gznqk5 its really important to have the time apart. One of the things I need to learn to do is to spend some of my alone time exercising. It sounds like you and your husband are still enjoying a full life in a great community. I hope that is in my future too!
@gznqk5- Good morning and welcome to Mayo Connect. I know that care taking and person with memory.problems can be very frustrating. My mom had Parkinson's Disease with memory problems. It sounds as if you have a great place to live that serves both of your needs. This is just fantastic, although I know that no life is ideal, especially with an ill partner.
I absolutely had to get away from my mom, at least once or twice a day. And it mad a world of difference. Thank you for coming aboard and sharing your story. You might also be interested in joining the Brain and nervous symptom group. https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/brain-and-nerve-diseases/ @lisalucier is the moderator for that group and is excellent.
How are you doing, despite all of your activities?
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My story is as complicated as my getting diagnosed July 2018, after 20 years of steady weight gain ( average 5 a year )
After trying many diets and unable to exercise ( my husband of 20 years is a physician and very fit for 72 yrs old )
I went from 132 lbs to 206 in that twenty years. Our marriage was terrible by the time I filled out the paper work to hopefully become a patient at Mayo, I didn't tell anyone esp my husband for fear he would put a stop to it....after all I was not exercising and wouldn't ( couldn't ) even go for a walk. So why on earth would I waste the time of these good Doctors.
Well on my last day at Mayo, a lovely endocrinologist ( specialist in metabolism) listens to my story and symptoms. In short order, she called me back after discussing my symptoms with a fellow. Together they feel strongly that perhaps I have an insulinoma.
It was day five and my plane was leaving the next day ( Saturday ). I told the Dr I will come back for further test to prove their suspicions. Seven trips later two huge surgeries I'm a different person. Oh, after my first visit to Mayo just four days later I found out my husband had been having an affair with a psychologist at work.
I'm 65 at the time. So we haven't seen anyone yet....the surgeries were first and foremost on my mind, now I will deal with the next chapter in my life. I did see an attorney to get my affairs in order just days before the second surgery. My husband has professed that he is done with his emotional affair with this married woman and we have been sleeping in the same bed for the past three months. My weight was his excuse for the affair. I lost 35 lbs within a few weeks of the first surgery....I can walk all day, not just to the mail box. I just hosted a huge wedding at our home for my nephew days ago. I'm stronger and happier than I have been in years. I don't know what is next but, because someone finally listened to me I have options...I'm not down for the count.
Thank you Mayo Clinic for taking me as a patient ( not doubt for a simple nodule on my thyroid ).