@mamacita, Wow firstly thank you for caring and responding!! So inspiring.. I HATE taking the damn pills period!! I believe they changed me and my personality and even thinking.. I so HATE Neurontin. I took it 3 times yesterday , 100mg AM.. was so nervous and agitated, then some darn Clonazepam.. 2-3 small doses.. I just started the Cymbalta, 20 mg on Monday. I chose it for the nerve pain from the cervical neck stenosis. I took 200 mg of Neurontin last night to aid in sleep, it had been a few nights without a lot of sleep.. I had to find a Pharmacy near me that had the right generic brand of Clonopin. I was on a new generic and I was not responding well to it. Sorry I ever took it 26 years ago after a perm. job loss. It screws up your thinking and you feel just like a wet noodle at times.. Like you, I am trying to lose wt., not gain..

I am stuck at 158-160 despite not wanting to eat very much at all during the day.

I also have IBS and Small intestinal Bacterial overgrowth, which can also add to wt. gain. I have hypothyroidism for the last 30 years or so.. that can also have a major effect on your mood, anxiety, etc.

I feel invisible these days and like my Life has passed me by at 60.5.

My career in Medical Admin. most likely over now.

Lost my career, retirement.

I used to work for Sloan-Kettering twice.

Our Mom had Lewy body dementia and was a lung cancer survivor and then she got that horrible disease.

I was her first major caregiver and coordinator..

I took time out from Sloan-Kettering to do that.

Our Dad was sick at the same time.

I was only 37 at the time.

Some days, I fear I have early dementia since ca. 2010 or so.

I think it is more the depression and wrong meds, the Clonopin, etc..

We will see regarding the Cymbalta.

I just started it.

I do NOT want any more wt gain, insomnia, anxiety, etc.

You start taking other meds to counteract all the darn side effects..

You are such an inspiration!!

Thank you for replying to me.

I am terrified now at 60. 5, no job, no money of my own, no retirement, no Significant other, no children..

Just my Twin Sister who does verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically goes at me.

We are both guilty of that..

Too much major stress for too many years and major traumas.

I feel like a Pariah in my own building of 37 years and community of 37 years..

She is paying all the bills..

I hate that I let the anxiety and depression and pleasing my Family rule..

A bit in tears as I type this.

I have an older Sister, just 13 mos older disown me and my Twin Sister.

Very hard for me, as I did everything for everyone at every time in my Family.

I planned her Wedding at the same time our Mom was being treated for small cell lung cancer in 1987.

I ran to Chicago to help take care of my newborn Fraternal Twin nephews..

She has everything now..

I am so heartbroken some days.. I just wonder why I am still here.

The Neurontin I find when I increase the dose makes me so down and almost suicidal..

I am also heartbroken over a past BF. He seemed to have the most in common with me.

Online dating..

He suffered from Anxiety, bad and had some depression.

He dumped me a week after he met me.

Also with the depression comes a lot of anger and regret..

I have had Friends, employers, Family and Boyfriends use me and then just throw me away.

I am now fighting to feel better and for my identity.

I got terminated from MSK in earl 2007 and was shocked and stunned by it.

I never really got over it.

Our home in NYC is in major jeopardy now and there is no affordable housing to move to.

I have wanted to leave NYC and this small community I am in for Years now.

Feel trapped and buried alive too many days now..

Fight everyday not to give up.

Thank you again for your inspiring and very supportive post.

Jean