Help finding a positive attitude

@trixie1313 My Faith has helped to sustain me since my diagnosis. I am so Thankful to have a Pastor who also supports Mental Health Counseling. I have been in counseling through Mayo. I just had a wonderful Mindfulness Consultation this morning. The Breast Clinic at Mayo scheduled i.

I have stage 4 ER positive HERS negative. I look at each day as a blessing, those days might be fewer than I’d like but I have as many as I am blessed with & want to make them count. Some days may be harder than others but I am blessed to be alive with thought & mobility. As I go about my day I always find there is someone less blessed than me, whether they have no arms, legs or are struggling with the challenges of diseases like MS, it reminds me of my blessings, no matter how many, today, I can articulate my words & move my body to build a positive memory to all those I meet throughout my day. God has blessed me with another day, for that I stay on the positive side. I send my wish that you lay your head down tonight knowing you are blessed & that you have left someone you encounter today with a positive memory.

Some of that positive attitude stuff we hear as cancer patients really pisses me off. Many people use the belief that a “positive attitude makes all the difference in the world” to stifle some really dark horrible terrifying feelings. I think we need the space to feel whatever we feel and to express those feelings and to be heard by friends and family as scary as that may be for them. Here is a post I just shared on Facebook with my friends and family. I have been very open and honest about my personal experience in the hopes that I can educate others about what it means to really be there for us as we go through this. Perhaps you might find some hope in these words. I, too, went to a very dark place during my first chemo drug. It really changed my brain chemistry.

Almost one year to the day of my surgery I have finally experienced a few moments of genuine happiness. A few moments of not being terrified for my life and my kids in every waking moment. A few nights of only waking once or twice in full on panic. A few moments of not being consumed by fear of hidden cancer cells and recurrence and a shortened life of pain and suffering.

To all those in the “club” who assured me that it would get a little easier with each passing year, I thank you! I have held onto that hope so tightly to get me here. Although my treatment will continue for many more years, I am hopeful that the worst of it is behind me.

To others who are just starting on this horrible, terrifying, painful journey I offer you this post as hope that the fear that may now consume your every moment will ease-no matter how impossible that feels right now. The journey, whatever path you choose, will be worth it. You are worth it. I am worth it. Our surgical scars, our chemo wrinkles, our radiation tattoos and discoloration map our journey and showcase our strength.

Perhaps in our lifetime there will be a cure or a full understanding of what causes this disease and a global commitment to eradicate the causes. Until then we make the choices that are best for us and count on love and support to buoy us up through the real shit parts. Thanks to everyone who has offered me support this past year. I couldn’t have done it without you.

Good morning and thank you for your reply. I am a woman of faith and that does help me although it brings its own challenges too. I have taken a lot of comfort in God’s word, at times I have felt his presence strongly and at other times feel quite alone. I too force myself to walk in my neighborhood and try to appreciate each moment. It is scary for me that these negative feelings can get such a hold as I do consider myself to be a strong person with a positive attitude. I am hoping a lot of it is a side effect of the chemo. I will continue to pray for courage and strength for myself and others going through this horrible journey.

Being diagnosed with and treated for cancer is very hard. I have worked through pretty much every emotion I can imagine. I've felt complete and consuming fear, depression, anger and resentment. I think it's completely normal to have to face all of these emotions and everyone is different in how they cope. Depending on your cancer diagnosis and circumstance it can feel really isolating and overwhelming. Of course you want and think you should have the energy to 'fight' but sometimes it's hard to work up that extra energy, especially when you're going through treatments and need all your strength to just get up everyday.
Unfortunately, there wasn't any kind of counseling or support group available to me that didn't require a great deal of planning and effort on my part. Neither my doctors, insurance or hospital had any kind of support group (pretty pitiful isn't it?) so I found this Mayo site and it's been a lifesaver for me.
I think we all have to find a way to work through this. Some people join groups, some turn to their faith or churches, some get out and march...some (like me) get through it hoping for the least damage possible and hoping maybe they can be a support to the next person who comes along and might need a shoulder to cry on....and it's ok to cry. We don't all have to dress in full pink outfits and act as if this isn't possible the hardest thing we'll ever do or face....because it's truly difficult.
My challenge is getting up everyday and being grateful for just this one day and making the most of it - in whatever form it takes.