Dearest smallengineguy, I really do get it. My whole life all I ever wanted to do was have kids and be a grandmother. I am have so many diseases and conditions, quite a few that are extremely painful in nature, that limites me greatly from being the Grammy that I want to be. I do grieve over this loss in my life however, at the same time, I am acutely aware of my innumerable blessings that surround me. It is really difficult to understand how, at the same time, I can be begging the Lord to take me now because I have reached my human tolerance threshold, and yet, at the same time, telling Him that I want His will for my life because I know that ultimately that is where I will have the most peace.

Were it not my intimate relationship with our living God oh, I would never have made it this far.

I wish for you the same comfort and the peace of God through Christ which surpasses all human understanding, Philippians 4:7, that keeps me going. And also knowing and understanding his plan for my temporary life here: Psalm 139 ;16 "Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be", and eternal life, and try to keep focused on His promises which never fail.
No matter how bad it gets and believe me it does as you well know, I never lose the hope and assurance within me, Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see"

I care deeply and hope and pray you will find Solace for your soul. Fondly, Sunny flower. 🙏😊 @johnbishop