@elwooodsdad
It sounds as if this is an exceptionally emotional Christmas for you. I am so sorry that you feel so down. Often the compounding of health problems get us down and not feeling the Christmas spirit makes it all seem much worse.

Is there anything at all that you can do to lift your spirits? Are you able to walk, journal about your feelings, talk with someone over coffee, listen to your favorite music, read a good book?

@elwooodsdad Is there something else you can do instead of Christmas? I know it seems that everyone is happy and celebrating and if you don't feel it, you might feel left out. I certainly have had those feelings myself thinking about how wonderful it must be and why can't my family be like that perfect family with a magical holiday? When family members don't get along, I feel sad wishing that it could be different. I feel the loss and really wish there could be closeness among my siblings, but I can't change it. I've learned not to set high expectations, and to look for enjoyment elsewhere. That is what I can do. I can redefine what I want Christmas to mean to me. I know also at this time of year with the gloomy overcast days and short sunlight hours, if affects our spirits. That is seasonal effective disorder when the lack of sunlight causes people to feel down. To remedy that, you can use some full spectrum lights that simulate sunlight and get some exposure to that daily. Maybe it's time to start a new tradition in whatever way that would be meaningful to you. Let go of the expectations. Live in the moment and find joy in simple pleasures. I have no children, but I have experienced joyful children by volunteering at a museum and helping direct crafts for kids. I've also given presentations about local history for kids through the museum, and one of the most rewarding things for me was when a school group sang a song for me to thank me for my presentation. That was a very creative teacher who did that and they came to the museum prepared ahead of time to sing. It was a surprise, and I wish I could play that over and over. I was teaching about local Native American history, and the kids had each taken an Indian name and made costumes for who they wanted to be in learning about the culture, and then as a group, sang the song. That touched me, and I hope a story like this might help you find some possibilities and hope.

@elwooodsdad- Last year and the year before I felt very similar. And like you I got fed up with it. I was recovering from yet another lung cancer and I had PTSD. I also realized that I had to do something to stop it-I didn't want to die, even if I no longer wanted to continue to feel like I did. I started writing, then I started a blog and now I'm on here as a mentor. Elwood I think there comes a time when we have to just grab the lion by its .... and say, I've has enough. And then do something about it. We have to fight! I think that somehow depression makes us feel a loss of power over our lives and how we live it so we have to somehow take some power back..we have to make decisions--how can we live better..etc.
I know that problems follow us wherever we go but have you considered going away for the the holidays? Make new memories, be distracted, make new friends and see new places?
Have you talked to your doctor about maybe changing up your medications for dysthymia? I had to add Wellbutrin to my Zoloft and I also started to take CBD oil when I get especially upset. It took a while for my pcp to figure out my doses but when it all came together it was a huge relief.
Also I suggest that you and your wife buy gifts for each other. Put up a wreath on your door. The holidays aren't for "needs" but for the extras that we don't usually buy like a special book, or print or something for a hobby. It really doesn't matter what these gifts are- just showing appreciation and love, a thank you for all that you do.
I hope that you will see some changes ahead. Depression can be so debilitating, I know it sucks. I see a glimmer of hopefulness in what you wrote- that you refuse to go through this again. It really isn't a conundrum, it's an illness and not wanting to continue feeling like you do, use this to look for something brighter, take back that power!