And more from "me" ..... I've been journaling for about 15 years .... some of the early ones I would not let anyone see (my sil burned them up for me), they were so dark and lifeless. That led me into writing. I didn't "decide" to write, I just wrote what I felt that day, or what was going on. I've got about 30 now, over a period of about 10 years. I did let my therapist read them, and my closest girlfriend and they both think I should try writing a book. They go from the deep darkness of depression to at least being able to move around. They revolve around all sorts of things. I doubt there will be a book, but it sure was a blessing to me when I was in that dark place.
abby

@amberpep

Hi, Abby.

I can only speak for myself, of course, but I'm fairly certain that after being in the dark hole of depression for a long time, I'm not alone in saying that 6 is my new 9. Ya know what I mean?

I know that I lived a relatively happy life, but I can't really remember what it felt like. I quite possibly will never get back to my pre-depression self. That's not negative thinking. It's just facing the reality of this dis-ease. I can still have peace in my mind and heart, even if I've come to realize that this is as good as it gets.

I have a journal, too, but I don't write in it with any regularity. I write in a daily journal, but it's only a record of what I did that day. My feelings go in the real journal. But mine will never be publish caliber. I've told my wife to burn my journals without reading them. I wouldn't want to inflict my ramblings on anyone.

I've been busy this summer with construction and maintenance of our house and barn and garage. Some friends kept their two horses on our property for ten years, but they sold one and moved the other one where there are some horses to keep him company. I let them leave their hay in the barn, but they finally got it all out of the barn last week. So, I cleaned it out and started putting my own stuff in it. My ladders, lawn equipment, hoses and whatever else needs a home. It's nice finally to have the use of that space.

Doing all of that moving reminded me of your struggle, moving to a new state, away from your friends, your condo and your doctors. You didn't have the energy to unpack even one box. Reading what you've been posting leads me to believe that you've been able to get settled in, with your cat and dog motivating you to return to living. It's encouraging to see the progress you've made.

Making it up to 6 seemed like an unreachable goal once I made it to 5. I think it took a couple of years, and I remember how happy my therapist was when I gave him the news. I know that 6 isn't wonderful, but I'm adjusting to living on the 6th floor. And the view from here isn't so bad.

I think that you would find a pretty good market for your book. Have you thought of a title? I'd put my name on your list of interested buyers.

Jim