@tdib, hello to everyone I'm new to connect and to this group and I'm still learning to navigate the website. But what I wanted to discuss is bipolar disorder with major depression I've been diagnosed several years and I think I've had it my whole life but it has gotten out of my control on a few seperate occasions. I have also had fibromyalgia that has gotten alot worse the last 10 yrs. And the extreme pain has usually keep bipolar pushed to the back of my mind, the depression, well it's just always there in the way of any happiness. Recently my pc doctor suggested I see a psych doctor to see if there was anything new to help me with the depression and anxiety. I agreed to try I'm seeing the nurse practitioner who started me on latuda immediately and it was helpful getting me through the holidays better than usual, but she had been supplying me with samples because I live on cad and could not afford it's big price tag on my means $500 monthly after insurance. I went for more samples and found they no longer had them last wk , well myself and the med. Nurse had tried all the ways to get them discounted to be affordable for me with no luck since it is a new drug . Now I was out for a few days and faced with changing to something else the nurse chose seraqual er to me just to get me out of her office i believe she didnt put much thought into what would be in my best interest. I had tried seraqual in like 2006 and it made me like a zombie but she said the extended release would be so much better. But now ive only used it three times and I'm a mess ive never had depression and anxiety this bad in my life ,yesterday I cried all day with anxiety sure i was going to die ,I would get the crying under control few a few minutes the just sit and stare until the silent tears would start again there was no way to quiet my mind . My boyfriend who is my only support person lost his temper at my lack of control a couple times which made me feel I couldn't speak about what I was feeling and that also upset him . By bedtime last night we were both in tears. I took the seraqual er last night and asked that he just hold me until I was asleep because I was so afraid I was going to die or scared I wanted to die I this was the way I was going to feel I don't know . I couldn't wish for death , I just want a chance to be happy and in love with him and life again. Well I did wake up this morning , I'm thankful and find him sleeping beside me but last night I could not convince myself that this morning I would be here. I am ,I feel very hung over ,a terrible headache same as ive had since i started this med. And all my muscles and joints very stiff and painful. I feel restless inside yet I don't feel like I can get out of bed to do anything. The depression and anxiety are still very much with me but I haven't started crying. Does anyone else have experience with this drug ,will these symptoms get better, I was in far better shape before this med. Was started, I had the same problems but at least I could cope with them. I'm no longer coping and feel like everything is slipping away from me and I don't have the strength to do anything to try to help myself. I have little faith my doctors care enough to help . My boyfriend emailed the nurse yesterday nd received no reply. That the third time we have reached out to her since I be on seeing her she's never answered our calls. I know I need help but don't know where to turn for it. I'm sorry I'm rambling on. Buy your input on this would help me so. Thank you