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Facing Cancer Recurrence, PTSD & Acknowledging Mental Health
Cancer: Managing Symptoms | Last Active: Sep 24 10:31am | Replies (447)Comment receiving replies
@merpreb Haven't posted for a while, but have been reading the posts. My CT scan--first one post the lobectomy is coming up this Tuesday. The doctor wanted the first CT scan six months after surgery. Anyway, here it is coming up and I am a basket case. I can put up a good front and do what needs to be done, but gosh inside I am flat scared. It is as I think of it simply the unknown. I FEEL like things will be good, but then doubt creeps in. A week after the CT scan I see my oncologist.
The cancer diagnosis was difficult along with the surgery to start with, but this CT scan has lurked in the back of my mind and lowly grown into outright fear. I notice that since the diagnosis and surgery, I've become more and more avoidant of social situations. I have always been shy, but now I would call it more like genuine Social Phobia. Talking about it helps some, but it all boils down to going to the imaging center and getting the thing done and the results known. I pray a lot, but have avoided my church community for a good while. I make excuses for avoiding attendance there and in other social situations. My anxiety level is high with the unknown of the CT scan results. I think it is the unknown that is so difficult. Already have lived a long time with depression and anxiety and have great help in that area with great therapists and necessary meds. So, I guess the thing to do is simply hang in there, pray, keep on reading the posts here, and get the darned thing over and the results known. That is how I'm coping right now. It is probably not the healthiest way, but it is what is happening now. I'm thankful that I've been connected with this group and find such support here. Thank all of you and know you are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Replies to "@merpreb Haven't posted for a while, but have been reading the posts. My CT scan--first one..."
@alamogal635 - I get the absolute fear, and I seem to react just like you. I hide when I'm fearful, until I can put them in perspective, I'm a basket case too. I just took a mini step back from Connect so that I could wrap my head around new news about my cancer. And that is I am walking around with a minimum of 4 cancerous lesions with many more that are too small to be considered much of anything. My cancer has increased in both the number of nodules and time in between treatments. And this will progress as time goes on, which I didn't know. I'm better now after a great visit with my oncologist.
During the first year of having cancer we really don't know what is going on and everything is new. I have a CT scan in December and because one of my lesions has grown it's likely I might need it zapped with SBRT. I am petrified, even if I know what it will be like.
I also tend to shy away from friends as I am so wrapped up in myself that I have nothing to say--ok, ok, I know, I always have something to say, but not when I'm petrified. I do not know if this is a good thing or not but it's how I seem react.
I think that we need to come up with a mantra for when we feel like this. What might yours be?
Having cancer turns us into being self-centered, not out of selfishness but being consumed with this disease. Friends are really necessary and the world is bigger than we are. It's good that you pray, if this gives you comfort. I don't pray to a God, I write and Mentor here. I also turn to Connect when I don't know what to do, or feel lost. It's amazing how comforting how some people can be and just pull you out of something. One of my mentor friends reminded me of something that I wrote and it woke me right up!
Are there any friends that call you at all or email? Staying home doesn't serve any purpose after a while and it does feed into our fears. I am going to try and get out more when this happens because I'm going to be afraid no matter where I am and being out makes me less afraid!
Hang in there honey- the Scan and knowledge are just around the corner.
Just had my scan at the Mayo Clinic was also nervous (my cancer is terminal) as I had different feelings within lung and stomach. Of course one always thinks the worst. Turned out everything was same.my scan was read and meet with Dr same day which helped me. Tumor stayed the same as did the nodules.get sick 8-10 days after treatments, which I get every 21 days, so I took holiday and skipping the next 21 days. Hoping I made good decision but my mind was tired of being sick. Prayers coming your way.
@alamogal635 @merpreb Just reading these stories is terrifying. No wonder you are afraid. And yes, the unknown makes everything worse. I wish AA stood for "anxiety anonymous," but unfortunately it's not that simple.
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You are in my prayers as well! I will be thinking of you, while you wait for results.