@alamogal635 and karendb-Good morning. I know what you both mean in your descriptions of the feelings that you have both voiced. I know that it won't help when I say that all of these feelings are very normal after cancer treatments/surgery. When we are in the hospital all our of our needs are taken care of. We concentrate on recuperating, grinning and bearing exercises and walking the halls. I know that when I stepped out of the hospital door I felt like I was going from one world into one I knew nothing about. I'm sorry that I can't reassure either of you that these thoughts will leave you soon. They probably won't until you both have established more of a normal life within the confines of post cancer. They will diminish but not really go away. How can they? We all might get cancer again, and we will be continually reminded that we had cancer by all of the follow-up CT scans, mammograms, etc. Your fears will be more of a gentle tugging on your memories than a constant jabbing in the stomach. But for now, as you both are still new to this it's just part of recuperating. Your bodies have changed, your chemistry has changed and your minds have been scrambled with meds and all the new words and questions that you have asked and been asked.
I had a chest wall muscle cramp up on me for years. I had to stretch or rub it to ease it. I still feel twinges of it every now and then. I like that term, basic trust @alamogal635. Because why should you trust anything right now? @karendb, wouldn't you agree?
As you both heal please become more social so, at least have contact with things and people other than your cancer and treatments.
As you worry you might want to prioritize what you have control over. Make a list of things that you do have control over - what you eat, exercise, all your daily care. Then a list for things that you can't control. What to do with this? Well you can know that there is a difference between ruminating and worrying. Ruminating is great, we all have to think things over, it helps put things, at least, into semi- order and perspective. And it's fine to worry. It has taken me years not to dwell on my fear, years at ruminating and not sleeping, nightmares, and tests. About two weeks before my CT scan I get very afraid, and I expect this.
Somethings that might help are:
You can't control the future but if you know what is ahead of you you can prepare. Put your effort in learning what your follow up tests will be. This will help ease your approach and attitude. It will help your reactions. Becoming familiar with something will lessen the horrible feeling of "the unknown" and what if's.
Ask yourselves what "happens if" your fears will be realized? What will you do? How will you react?
Set up a plan to control your stress. What have you done before? Can you still do these things? Were they successful before? If not change them.
I applaud both of you for sharing your early fears. I wish that I had had Connect in the past, and do feel blessed to have it in my here and now!

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