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Facing Cancer Recurrence, PTSD & Acknowledging Mental Health
Cancer: Managing Symptoms | Last Active: Sep 24 10:31am | Replies (447)Comment receiving replies
And good morning to you. It's a different feeling to get a diagnosis of recurrence. Not the same quality of fear as with the first, but a different flavor of fear. The undercurrent of dread that I didn't realize I was hauling around with me until it surfaced powerfully and I was able to identify it and name it. The dread I am still carrying but want to address. My treatment - craniotomy in 2006. No chemo or radiation. Endoscopic endonasal surgery in 2015, followed by additional time in hospital with septic shock. Then a stint in hospital to remove a kidney that seemed to have a mass. It was benign, but they didn't put my kidney back in :)! Then back for gamma knife radiation to brain. There are pieces of the original tumor still in my head, so I live with watchful waiting. My original surgeon said, "go out and live your life", but to me this was not helpful. I don't think he really knew what he was saying to me. How does one live a life that has been so profoundly altered!?! And that, Merry, is what spoke to me in your blog post. That you've been on that journey. I am searching for clues that will work for me. Thank you.
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@eewtao, I'd like to add my welcome to you as well. I hope you don't mind, but a tagged you in another discussion in the Brain Tumor group here: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/optic-nerve-meningioma-patients/?pg=3#comment-248995 Another member was asking about treatment options, many of which you had. You may be a resourceful connection for her.
Welcome to @jeanadair123. You have a very unique situation in having a doctor care for you who has also had cancer. Have you heard the term "Scanxiety"? I don't know who coined the term or when, but I think every person who has cancer experiences it - the uneasiness waiting scans during and after treatment.
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@eewtao- You have been through a lot. And you are absolutely correct. Recurrence is a different flavored jolt. After we make it through the first one, and time has passed, we think, "Hey, I made it!" A recurrence says, "No you haven't. I gotcha!"
"Go out and live your life" should be stricken from human speech lol. Well it's very tough because no one tells you how. No one says, give it time, your life will just be a different normal. You will learn to be more humble, appreciative and grateful. You've heard the term, "wake-up call". Although it can be a bit condescending it really means, "wake-up, become aware and take care of yourself now!" And by grateful I mean for your support system, the medical profession, the science and research that has allowed you to be taken care of.
How do we get to this stage of "live your life?" One day at a time. It's the only way, I think. It means that you tackle each day coping and trying to come to some control over your life. Deal with your physical well being. Decide how far you can push yourself physically. Take power/control over your medicines, you bandages, your diet, your exercise. Make your appointments. Set times for visitors, family, friends if need be. Go where you want when you are physically are able. Research anything that you don't have answers for, but remember: not everything has an answer. That was my biggest hurdle!
In my blog post, https://my20yearscancer.com/life-after-cancer/ I deal with this question.
Thank you for your your kind words. Reliving all of this for me is worth it when I can help someone else. It's the gift that keeps on giving!