I'm just 3 years in on my breast cancer diagnosis (5 years from my first Stage 0 diagnosis). I was lucky, caught it early (well so far). Seeing someone be so honest about the fear, the recurrence, the treatments, depression.....(all the fun stuff).....and expressing it. I'm sure it's very common but somehow in my 'journey', though I am quite lucky and thankful for it, you see so many ads and posts and etc that make you feel like depression and anxiety are not the way this makes you feel or that you're not strong enough or tough enough or zen enough. I think also, as I help my husband navigate his serious cancer right now, I saw a lot of myself coping with that on top of my own troubles and thought, 'yes, it's ok to feel depressed, it's normal to hate the unknown aspect of cancer.
You expressed so completely and lovingly the struggle. The Mayo Clinic site has been a great source of support for me but I do try to stay as positive with others and gloss over a bit how awful this feels. I think everyone does. Your blog, for me, was a chance to see that the feelings I've had and are having aren't out of the ordinary. Hugs

Appreciate you ability to be so honest about all your feelings and experiences during your ordeal with cancer. I pick up helpful bits and pieces—this my first experience with VATS. So many who have not had our trials and tribulations seem to think we can bounce back in no time. You make it clear that this is not so. You are so right in this. Also the lingering fear of recurrence is always there. Sometimes it lurks beneath the surface and sometime it is right there at the surface. I go from optimist to,pessimist several times a day. I cannot imagine having the number of treatments that yiu’ve Had and not completely breaking with reality! I admire your strength and honesty. God bless you for your blog and for just being You!