@yangedd- hi Ed- I was so very sorry to hear that things did not turn out well. It must have been truly devastating. Please know that while you may be alone physically- here in cyberspace you are far from alone. There are so many of us who feel for you and want you to know that we are thinking of you and are hoping that you will find serenity in the days ahead. Hang in there my friend!
With all best wishes
Ainsleigh

@yangedd Like the others, I am saddened to here your anticipated reunion did not happen. Remember that the both of you had expectations, and emotions, and the trauma of a long silence. It sounds like it may not have been all on you, so I hope you can be gentle on yourself. Very glad you reached out and sought help. If you are wanting to reestablish communication with some of those you lashed out at, perhaps a sincere explanation from you will pave the way? We are here for you.
Ginger

@yangedd- I am very sorry that you did not reunite with your brother after all the anticipation and hoping that took place. I can only imagine how this made you feel. The devastation and anger that you feel, and perhaps betrayal are perfectly natural. After some time burrowing in your cocoon it will then be time to start your life again.
All though most of us haven't your experience, we have all been kicked in the head and after some time have faced the world again. I know that it doesn't seem possible right now, but it will come.
After the death of my twin sister's daughter, who I was helping raise, (she was murdered by an arsonist who set fire to her apartment building as she slept) my husband and I could barely talk to anyone other than my family. I'll never forget the look on my twin's face when she came home after she picked out her daughter's casket.
It definitely changed her, and I don't know how she went on, but she did after a while.
Being kind to yourself also should include some therapy (if you don't already go) so that you can vent and get rid of some of your anger and hurt. Please keep us updated.