@parus @hopeful33250 @gingerw

Thank you guys. Yeah, can't actually wait to meet my little nephew. I've been sent so many pictures of him in the last few days and it's been an emotional worldwind. The one with my brother, dad and nephew has made me realize that family is important and I've been missing out on all that.

I'm going to go up town this evening and pick out something nice for our dinner/meeting on Friday because I really do want to make an impression.

Was up all night again just going over things and how it all went so wrong, and I played a huge part in that (I still harbor feelings of immense guilt for leaving for Dublin so soon after my Mum's death while my Dad nearly drank himself to death and ended up having the stroke. My family needed me and I chose the easy way out by moving 300 miles away with my partner because I couldn't cope with her death myself).

I went to the Pharmacy this morning and collected Lyrica 2x 50mg but haven't taken any so far because I want to get through this period of apprehensive anxiety without the use of extra meds. My prescription for Halcion has expired, but the pharmacist told me that if I need more to go to my Doctor in the morning and she will have no problems giving it to me.

I dropped off for two hours just a while ago. I really needed it because I was exhausted to be honest and running on caffeine (Not a good idea when you're already a nervous wreck) and cigarettes alone. It felt amazing to just shut off and get some sleep, even for that little period of time.

The one thing myself and my brother have not discussed or touched on in the last two days is mum. I so deeply want to tell that she would be so proud of him becoming a Dad and herself becoming a Grandmother but I don't want to upset the apple cart. Perhaps in time to come,

Ed