Hi Amiah, As you can see, there are a lot of people in this forum who care. The message board will go quieter in a few hours as people turn in for the night from the east coast to the west coast. You mentioned that you often stay awake during the night hours and that's when your thoughts get horrible. If that happens, remember the 24/7 Lifeline Chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/

Use it if you need it. There's always someone there to text or talk with you.