@smilie I am glad you are reaching out. Depression is a very real thing, as you can attest. I wonder if this time of year is difficult because it is summer, with many families doing vacations or trips together? If that is not something you ever had much of as a child or adult, it might make you feel sad, and wonder what was so wrong with you. Could that be a reason? I'm sorry things look so dark right now. Is there a close friend you sit with for a cup of coffee? Have you called your Dr? Perhaps there is a change in therapies that would help? Do you have any animals that you can focus on, and think about their well-being? Please come back and let us know how you do today. We care.
Ginger

Hi, @smilie - I moved your post to this existing discussion where you've posted before so that those you've been talking with before can receive your update. Click VIEW & REPLY in your email notification to get to your post.

It sounds like it's been a long, difficult road with your depression, especially with everything you've learned over the years not working right now.

It’s important to know you are not alone! Glad you have connected with @gingerw. I’m tagging @grandmar @hopeful33250 @pankaj @secretwhitepop @parus who also may be able to provide some support at this time. Your Connect community is here for you.

As you know, this is a safe place to talk as you feel the need. You mentioned before the idea of going to the hospital and an emergency crisis line you had on hand. I also want you to know about the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline https://988lifeline.org that you can call or text (988) any time for immediate help. Please call them, call your crisis line or go to the hospital if you are feeling threatened by your feelings of self-harm.