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tmf0 (@tmf0)

Anxiety and Depression

Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: Aug 20, 2019 | Replies (138)

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@parus

I have been a member here at connect for a while. The more I read the more I begin to wonder if there are any success stories? Mostly what I have been reading is others wanting to stop antidepressants and anti anxiety medications that have caused more harm than good.
I know these type of medications were not for me as the depression I experience is drug resistant. I have had shock treatments and would not do thus again. Anti anxiety medications did help make life easier. They are no longer recommended for various reasons.
When it comes to depression and anxiety I find I am chasing my own tail. I eat healthy, I have my own exercise routine which isn't good enough for the ortho doc so was sent to PT and now have been down and unable to do what I was doing. I have failed again.
I see these people that don't take care of themselves getting help and I can't because I do try!
I get myself stabilized only to end up feeling worse for asking for options with pain management. Apparently there are no options.
Of course my anxiety and depression are worse and it is up to me to fix it again.
I am exhausted. I tell myself the fibromyalgia is all in my head too. I know not to even mention it.

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Replies to "I have been a member here at connect for a while. The more I read the..."

I’m so sorry you are going through all this. And yeah, when people are feeling great, I do t expect them to reach out on sites like this :). So I agree, it does seem like it’s all folks who aren’t getting any better. But just know that fibromyalgia is NOT all in your head.

As far as exercise, when you do it, don’t listen to music or anything. Exercise could (and should) be good for your mind and body. Like a walk. If able, force yourself to walk for an hour everyday. Get a long route. Reason I suggest this is because it’s meditative. Meditation literally changes your brain structure just like antidepressants or ECT. (SP). I’m in the struggle too. Zero “Joy of Life”. And I hate myself for this! Because I have a lot going for me!

Maybe this is what it’s supposed to be like. 🙁

@parus

I am sorry to hear that you find yourself in a bad place today. As I have known you, online, for quite some time now, I really do see you as a success story. Sometimes it is hard to reflect on where you've been and how much progress you've made. I realize that was true for me as well. Recovery is often one (or two) steps forward and them steps some backward. (Unfortunately, it is not always an upward straight line.) Trust me on this, however, you have made some remarkable steps forward.

Chronic pain does have a way to cloud the emotional picture of who we are. You are valuable to your grandson, your family, and the Connect community!

Thanks for being with us.

@parus– Good morning. I think that you might be feeling overwhelmed right now. Pain has a way of telling us that we'll never be without feeling well. And sometimes that does happen. But can you honestly say that you haven't improved at all since you've been on here? @secretwhitepop has made a great point. A lot of people do not stay with Connect after they feel well. It would certainly be better if they did hang around.
As you know I have always felt like a failure and no matter what was my "fault" or not, I was blamed or blamed myself, even as an adult. I remember I was getting back into the car with my mom, after a luncheon thingie, and went to start the car and the brake pedal just went straight to the floor. It was broken. My mom gave me that eye look that blamed me, even if she was told that I couldn't have broken it. It turned out that a cable had broken. But she never ever apologized. It was such an emotional thing for me that it clouded my mind into avoiding reality. The reality being that I wasn't to blame. "What the hell, what are you talking about mom? How did I do this? Come on." I put so much energy into feeling guilty and shame and that I was a failure that I couldn't see the road ahead. I was sabotaging my own efforts. It was a vicious circle.
I'm still very tough on myself, which makes me pay more attention to details and helps me excel, so something positive came out of it. Don't you think that it's time for you? Break this cycle. You aren't failing @parus, you are telling yourself that you have. But it's not real, because you haven't.

@parus Don't even think that fibro is in your head it is a real disease even though most Dr.s don't think so l The P.T. I had started mine to go awry ? You know if your trigger points are touched and you go through the roof . Your rheumatologist is your safest Dr. for fibro . All those fibro meds didn't help me at all so you have to do your own research and see what works for you as Dr.,s really don't know . Be your own advocate you know your body better then anyone ,don't listen to the nay sayers they are not in your shoes. You are a wonderful caring person but you need to be kind to yourself and cant do it all . Its just something we all have to accept. I know P.T. stirs up my fibro so I tell the therapist I cant do something. I really don't care if they don't like it Its my body not theres . So just know yourselve and do what helps you . Don't worry about what others say .

@parus We cannot be on top of our game every day. Some days definitely feel bad, others feel good, and if you were to lay them out side-by-side , they'd look the same. So, what makes the difference? At times, something we have no control over. The weather, be it hot/cold/rainy/windy, etc. Or who is around you/what they might be feeling and how their actions are affected by that. Or where we are physically, as in a social setting/at home/in nature. I don't think that it is easy any day. And it's something that I myself have to work on everyday. It's been said that I simply take things too seriously, that I never smile enough, and all I can think of is if you knew the discomfort I felt right now, if you understood the pain that I'm feeling right now whether it is physical or emotional you might not say that. But so many times we put a front on even to ourselves! Please hang in there and know that you have so many people thinking about you!
Ginger

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