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@parus
You said you're not proud of the anger you feel when PTSD is triggered. My first response to that is that anger is an appropriate reaction. Not being proud of it implies to me that you feel guilt or shame for feeling angry.
I wonder how your anger presents. Physical response or mental or emotional response?
I was raised with the notion that anger was bad or wrong, and not allowed to express it. So, coping with it has been an ongoing struggle for me as an adult. It wasn't just anger that was banned. Tears, fear, frustration - expressing anything like those things was supposed to be suppressed. The result was that I kept everything in and wore the "I'm fine" mask. Not very healthy or productive. I wish my parents had taught us how to express instead of suppress our inner thoughts.
I think I've learned that anger in itself isn't bad. Rather, it's the expression of it that's important. Neither suppression nor eruption is usually the answer. It lies somewhere between the two. The word balance is a good one to apply to how we live out our lives.
So, what do you think? Any suggestions for me as to expressing anger and all its siblings appropriately? My 5 siblings and I have worked around the issues in our own ways.
Of course, our parents loved us and raised us to be loving, productive adults in many positive ways. I don't want to give the idea that our family was dysfunctional. We are and always have been a close knit bunch.
Jim
Replies to "@parus You said you're not proud of the anger you feel when PTSD is triggered. My..."
@jimhd I, on the other hand grew up in a abusive, dysfunctional family. I was raised that anger was only for mommy.
As to how my anger presents-emotional, physical and mental. I have come to realize a therapist is of no help as it only dredges up all of the abuse that never made sense. I also learned to not cry, smile or show any sign of what was within me. The flat affect for years. Anger for me is a raucous internal thing. I wanted to end the cycle of abuse. It is always with me and comes forth with a smiling face that says I am not my past. I always wanted a close family. I ended up marrying my mother in male form. Nothing was never his fault. so many folks like this. Now with the internet I am once again cast into the pit of blathering, omniscient beings.
I have not yet found a way to express anger in a healthy way. When I nearly ended a close friendship of 50 years I knew I was in trouble. Eruption nor suppression is not the answer either. I do all I can to stay from things that may ignite the fuse. no wonder I am exhausted.
As to therapists they are a trigger. I am terrified of my anger at times.
I am thankful for the input here as we are all here to help one another.
Thanks again Jim for your honesty.
@merpreb I do find complacency more comfortable and a convenient escape. I am the cowardly lion for now. I dig deeply for my humor. I do so enjoy the Decorah Eagles!!!!
Grateful for those here helping me to continue on this journey. Enough, getting sappy and fingers are getting too tingly to do anymore for now.
I am going to make Irish stew. My son and I are going to have dinner together and catch up on things. So there are many good things in my life for which I am grateful. It is this guldern anger that trips me up. Baby steps.
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@jimhd Ridding myself of anger once I decided to stop suppressing it or acting out inappropriately has many faces. First I need to acknowledge that I am angry and then if it is appropriate. If so, I need to practice in my head how I am going to react and what I am going to say. This gets easy because it is usually the same behavior from the same people that set me off. Sometimes I decide to let it go because the person is so defensive and in denial that no amount of healthy discussion is possible. In these cases it is like my faith . . . I am only the messenger, I provide the message and leave. I do not stand and wait for a negative response or agreement. I have to let go of the outcome. I am still responsible to give the message, but I am not responsible for the actions/reactions of anyone but myself. I cannot allow myself to take a browbeating, so I leave. Then, I pray for them. No, not for them to die a prolonged and painful death. I pray they reach understanding, peace and happiness. Because I want that for myself, I cannot withhold that from anyone else.
Now, my soapbox is again in storage. Blessings on your search for anger management.