@debbraw Your comment brightened my day in that you recognize how I am feeling and didn't invalidate how I am feeling for now. Discouragement, for me, has always been an obstacle and being such a passive person I typically walk away or just throw in the towel. Coming here helps me to realize I am not alone in my struggles. I want to be the encouraging person. Being on the receiving end is difficult for me. I am beginning to realize admitting fears and weaknesses is not always a form of self-pity. Thing is I continue to try even when I don't want to at times. Navigating the medical system with all of the restrictions can be disheartening. I like to believe there are medical professionals that are well qualified and try the understand the hoops they are required to go through. These large corporations run their lives and have ceased caring about quality and only seem to care about quantity. Being a doctor has become a 9 to 5 job where emergencies are not tolerated well. It is hard to get adequate medical care when a doctor is strapped to a laptop and watching minutes tick away. I so want to believe they still have caring in their work and are not simply punching a time clock to get a pay check. I know I have little to no trust in the medical care I am receiving. When questions are not allowed or possible options discussed and I am dismissed from an appointment by a laptop closing and told I can check out I feel lesser than. Maybe next time I will try a body slam-and yes, I am kidding about the body slam. My last appointment with the PCP I had a list of questions, symptoms, etc. I arrived prepared to be efficient and expedite my appointment of 40 minutes and maybe received 10 minutes. Hard not to have an attitude!!!
I am grateful in other areas and keep plugging along. The thing that keeps me going is my little grandson and knowing I am the only blood family his daddy and him has-big responsibility on my part.
Yes, I am still doing paper mache props for his dinosaurs and army men as well.
Thanks for a place to come and be honest for a while. A scary world out there. I am able to help some of the residents in this apartment complex with understanding how to text and other things. It saddens me as most of them are at more of a loss than I am when it comes to technology. I know I am impaired in this area and can understand the fear and inadequacy others are feeling.
Living in a world where equality for all is means being treated like a criminal. Just how it is in this world of equality.