Hello @nowayback You have a devastating story to tell. Cancer is always a rollercoaster but you have been up and down more than most. I'm a head and neck cancer survivor so far and can eat soft foods. Some of my friends are tube fed. I don't know anyone who has had the esophageal cancer you have had but there are many things that go wrong with head and neck cancer surgery too like free flaps failing, fistulas forming etc. It is traumatic, disfiguring, disabling. I really do understand the horror of it all.

It sounds as if there is a slither of hope for you to have more reconstructive surgery but as you yourself say, it's important to be realistic about it. There will be esophageal cancer support groups on the Internet. As a patient you can write to the people in the UK who have carried out the surgery on others. I mean by this that you can sort of empower yourself by doing your own research, making your own inquiries. That might sound too hard, undoable, but having a sense of agency might help you cope. The fact that the medical team has given you this possibility is something.

The other thing is having as much psychological help as you can get. You have been through the mill and need and deserve every bit of help you can get. I have found it helpful to join cancer support groups both local face to face and online. Wishing you well.