I can certainly understand your frustration and thinking of escaping to a desert island! My husband began having memory problems in 2011. The Mayo diagnosis was viral encephalitis. Now, he has hearing issues, short term memory issues and his long term memories are notvery accurate at all, although he is sure he is correct. Lol.
He has 4 children, but none of them can help. Two of his daughters visit from out of town about once a year and only stay for a few hours. My daughter and son-in-law do all they can, but their lives are busy with work and my granddaughter. We have been married for 15 years and he has been “sick” (for want of a better description) for 7. I dream of a vacation, away from caregiving duties, but have not discovered a way to do this. I’m coping, butvery tired, physically and mentally.
Your sibling may have washed her hands of your parents, but surely she cares about you. I’m sure others have no idea how hard and isolating the job of caregiver is. You are facing multiple surgeries and will need to heal, in order to continue as caregiver! Is respite care available through your city or county? Do you have Power of attorney? Is there a way to insist on moving your parents to assisted living? I visited an attorney whose specialty is elder care and found there were several things I had not been aware of. She was very helpful in protecting assets and potential assisted living for my husband. Would your sister come to help you, at least immediately after surgery?
I’m sorry this is a bit long, but wanted to offer understanding and support. Others may have additional suggestions, but if nothing else, we all sympathize with your situation and are here for you.
Hello @ssbionicknee I am sorry to read of your heath challenges and those of your parents. That must be very hard and I think it would be impossible to not feel overwhelmed in the situation you find yourself in! That must be very hard no matter what!
I don't have any magic solution, but one of the things I did think about when I read your post was that if your parents are having cognitive difficulties perhaps it is time to get some legal advice regarding how to help direct their decisions or hand them off to others in the family. Sometimes a trusted advisor can suggest things and be listened to in ways family aren't or can't be.
Also when my wife began having cognitive issues I made many decisions, which she had not input into and was unaware of. One of those was me being her guardian for healthcare and our daughter, not her, being mine. Also no one else in either her or my family were privy to those decisions. Just our attorney, healthcare professionals, and our grown son and daughter. Sometime input can be more confusing than the decision making process itself.
Also in our case (and I know every family is different) no family member lifted a finger for her care so I had no choice but to just say 'so be it' and handle things with no expectation of support or help from family. Luckily I had two old friends who pitched in when they could.
I wish you every good out come with your coming surgery! Do you have some help for your immediate needs post surgery?
Strength, courage, and peace!