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Autism & the difficulty of getting & doing a job

Autism (ASD) | Last Active: Jul 31, 2021 | Replies (60)

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@avmcbellar

@gingerw thank you for the information. I will contact the organizations for further help. You are right it takes gentle guidance. I notice my son easily gets mad as does the older lady. I am sure it is because they get frustrated. He lives in an apartment on his own. It is difficult for anyone to know he is autistic at first. He signs contracts and often gets himself into trouble as a result. He makes the same mistakes over and over regardless of advice he gets. A few years ago his younger sisters supported the organizations in Tampa where he lives. His sisters helped organizations with events for autistic young adults. They tried many times to invite him to a group that played board games in hopes he could meet other people like him. My son refused. Disclaimed he had any mental issues. His sisters tried to encourage him to attend to play the games. Instead of giving them credit for their good work he would say negative remarks against his sisters. They eventually stopped trying. Well, last year was a difficult year for him to get out of another mess but I am afraid he still has not learned although he says he has. He still carries on the same. Last year, as a result of doing silly things, he got arrested twice. He ended up doing jail time until we(my husband and I) put up bond for him. He was later put on “house arrest” for a few weeks. It scared him at first. We told the officials he had autism although there was no medical proof. So the court officials assigned him to a medical professional who separately interviewed us(his family). It took several months to determine our son was indeed autistic. Our son followed all the court procedures and paid back( monetary) what he owed to the people who had him arrested. He was finally let go in late fall of last year, a total of ten months in dealing with the court system. Actually, this worked out to be a good thing for him. He now gets disability and lives in low income housing. He tried a couple jobs but he couldn’t hang on to them. Needless to say, he was let go after a few months. We drove him to our place and back so he could visit us for Thanksgiving. He used to drive but would often get himself into trouble with vehicle accidents or not being able to do the maintenance on his car due to lack of interest. He uses public transportation now. He continues to do silly things but he is fun to be around. We watch movies with him like Deadpool, Antman, Guardian of the Galaxy, etc. He does funny impressions of actors or characters like Venom. He is a kid at heart and always will be. What can you do but let them have the best life they possibly can. Toni

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Replies to "@gingerw thank you for the information. I will contact the organizations for further help. You are..."

Hello @avmcbellar,

I agree with @gingerw in that you have done a remarkable job being supportive of your son. It sounds like he has been a blessing to you as much as you are to him.

I feel a little concerned that he has, as you said, "signed contracts", etc. Do you currently have guardianship/conservatorship paperwork in place with the local courts? This can be a protective measure to keep him from being part of such contracts/problems. If you don't have such court paperwork in place you might contact an attorney in the area and see what you can do.

Is your son reasonably happy now in his low-income housing and with his life in general?

I'm going to weigh in here because, like Teresa suggests, you or his Dad or sisters need to get guardianship or he will continue to get into financial scrapes.

My grand-nephew has Asperger's, and presents in much the way as your son, until you spend some time with him. We firmly believe (though my brother disagrees) that his Mom is on the spectrum as well, as we see many of the same self-defeating behaviors in her. My brother & sister-in-law raised their grandson from age 3, got adult guardianship when he was 19, and he now lives in a group home (his 4th) that suits him well - with 2 other young men like himself as well as 2 who are more severely affected and don't interact much.

Every month or two, he states he is going to court to get emancipated so he can "get his own place." They tell him "Fine, but you must do it completely on your own to show you are ready. By the way, the judge is going to ask you to demonstrate that you can care for yourself and an apartment, handle finances, and keep a job." After a few days, he gives up.

Another nephew, age 36, is not as greatly affected, and has a terrible time keeping a job, but has a great skill (toolmaker) and a Dad with connections in the trade, so he manages with help, to live in his own home. They know he will always need support, so have his brother "waiting in the wings" to take over when they are no longer able.

Like your son, these guys both get serial obsessions with various interests and can become very knowledgeable in a very limited subject and very much fun - until there's a problem. I think back on many of the PhD's I worked with in my career, especially those with VERY narrow fields of interest and limited ability to interact with the world. I wonder how many of them were actually "on the spectrum."

It sounds like you are doing everything you can to support him - thank you!
Sue