@lilypaws @kla1960 I wrote most of a response this morning, but I lost it somehow, and by now I don't remember what I wrote. I've done that many times, but I've never figured out what I did or how I can retrieve it.

I need to pause here and review what I wrote yesterday and your response. Be right back - if I don't mess up again.

I can understand your reluctance to find a good church. It sounds like the theology of some people is out of balance. So many people have no clue what to say to a hurting person. I made a list of 30+ things NOT to say, many of which have been said to me. I feel fortunate to have found a good church with a great staff, where I don't hear that kind of nonsense. We had been going to a different church for 9 years, started going there because I knew the pastor years earlier. Unfortunately, his preaching became increasingly negative, so we talked with him about it, and it was better - for a month. We stuck it out for a year, because my wife didn't want to leave behind friends, and she was a board member and led worship. Because of my poor mental health, I had to find another church. I couldn't take being spiritually attacked every Sunday.

Anyway, I'm in a better place now, both mentally and spiritually. A positive worship environment, a (mostly) patient and supportive wife, a service dog who always keeps me in sight when I'm working in the yard, and 13 therapists in the past 14 years.

Medications - Wellbutrin and Mirtazapine for depression, Klonopin (aka Clonazepam) for anxiety, for neuropathy pain I have a spinal cord stimulator, and take morphine sulfate contin and Imipramine, for arthritis I take Meloxicam and Tylenol, for reflux there's Omeprazole, plus various vitamins and allergy meds. When my back really hurts from overdoing whatever, I have Percocet and Orphenadrine (muscle relaxer). I have back pain because my ladder dumped me, 12' up, painting my house. Compression fractures at T12 and L2. And after a couple of days in the hospital I found out that I also had broken my arm.

My best therapy is working in my yard. It's pretty much a full time job from April to October. We have 10 acres, with most of it in pasture, which we lease to our neighbors for their cows and horses. In exchange they deal with the irrigation and are improving the pasture. They're good Christian people who watch out for us. When we bought this place, we rented it to a local veterinarian who did absolutely nothing to the yard, so I started from scratch. I think I've created a monster. Now I'm trying to find ways to make it lower maintenance. Having underground sprinklers would be a huge help.

I've done it again, haven't I. It's time for sleep. I'll check in tomorrow.

Jim