@kellycross I have binders of information. Have gone through 4 doctors so far (not including the ones in the hospital that I only see while i'm there). The first i had for my first 2 heart attacks and my stent with the life vest that had it in for me. Second doc was my 3rd and heart attack and the start of heart failure. 3rd was a Mayo doctor who I only saw once before my second doctor (current cardiologist) said he wanted me to see his specialist instead who is now my 4th doctor and an advanced heart failure doctor. But out of them all, can't any of them seem to tell me yet what even caused the first heart attack, let alone how in a year and a half I have gone from there into heart failure. So far the most recent doctor (who I only first saw towards the end of October) seems to be actually trying to manage it but seems like he's trying to play catch up in a game he knows he wont win in the end anyways. I've come to accept the terms. My new favorite saying is "it is what it is". My family is having a harder time with it. I went from working 50+ hours a week and putting in every waking minute outside of that in at home to being out of breath before making it across the house and sleeping nearly 15-18 hours a day in batches cause I'm just always so tired and can barely keep myself up. Then these "palpitations" don't make anything any easier. I try to lay down and sometimes they hit and I just wonder "is this it". I try to play with the kids and i can't help but just stop when they come on. I try to ignore them, try to push though so that nobody else notices but some of them, it's just like holy hell. Especially when they start and just keep going on for what seems like an eternity (maybe only like 20 minutes or so). Now with the fluid overload and all these extra pills they are talking i might end up on dialysis cause my kidneys are not doing what they used to. But for the moment they have worked out with me that after the holidays (cause of the kids mostly) i will go in for a week or 2 to try and get my fluid and kidneys in a decent place if possible and do another cath to see where things are at and have discussed an ICD cause nobody knows why the first doctor didn't do it instead of the life vest or why he had me send it back.

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