Dear @desperada, Your story saddens me. My condolences on the loss of your husband. I know it is a big adjustment to life without him. I am very glad that you have two dogs. They'll keep you going. I have one little teacup poodle that goes everywhere with me and she never leaves my side. It is important to have that added energy in the house to curb loneliness. I was diagnosed on 2005 with mac; I too declined the Big 3 meds. And yes, that pulmonologist was furious with me for doing so. I found a new pulmonologist. Over the following years no pulmonologist knew much about mac or how to treat it. I was VERY sick for a number of years and was told I was headed for a lung transplant by my local dr. He suggested that I go to Florida and seek help at Mayo. Mayo dr agreed, I was getting close to needing a transplant. That was in 2013. I was tested for pre-qualifying for a double lung transplant in 2016. I was placed on the 'deferred' list because I was not quite bad enough to get listed yet. I have been under care at the Mayo Clinic since 2013 and today, I feel like a normal human being! I once couldn't walk 15 feet without stopping to catch my breath. I can now walk many blocks and ride my bike 12 miles. My point is, never give up on yourself. Good medical care can make a huge difference. I have a feeling that your grief is making your other health issues feel that much worse. The mind and body are very much connected. I hope that you will take the time to read over older posts and glean some helpful information about dealing with mac. It would be great if you could get to one of the Mayo clinics. Besides having the best doctors (people come from all over the world to see them); they are always compassionate and respectful of their patients. I am here for you friend, as well as others in this group. You are not alone in this. Getting to GOOD medical help is what you need. I would be happy to look up the nearest medical facility that may be better equipted to deal with mac. May I ask where you live?