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Caregiver for spouse with MCI (Mild cognitive impairment)
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Jul 28, 2020 | Replies (46)Comment receiving replies
Hello @janeejane I am sorry to read of your husband's diagnosis and also of your struggles with the demands and realities of caregiving. I am Scott and while I am happy you found Mayo Connect I immediately suggest you seek help for your suicidal thoughts. While almost every caregiver gets overwhelmed and depressed at times, suicide is something you should seek immediately help for! Either your doctor or a therapist might be of help -- or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline https://988lifeline.org. It is nothing to shrug off for sure!
I know when my wife's disease began to effect her abilities to think rationally I did seek professional advice and did the tough work of getting established as her legal guardian for finances, health care, etc. i think your lawyer is spot on suggesting you need to legally take over your finances since your husband has been diagnosed with dementia.
I also know from my wife's disease progression it is very, very hard when the person we loved is now a truly different person. It makes caregiving even more challenging, but that is often what these darn diseases do ... they steal our loved ones away from us leaving us with someone else in their place. I used to tell our children I was only married once, but was married to two women.
Superheros only live in the comic books, so there is no way caregivers can do everything all the time, no matter who much we may want to!
Have you looked into a care facility for your husband?
Replies to "Hello @janeejane I am sorry to read of your husband's diagnosis and also of your struggles..."
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Thank you for your response Scott. I feel I am passed the suicidal thoughts. Thank you for your concern.
My husband has experienced two nights of sundowners when he became physical with me. Scared me. I talked to both of his doctors. This is not my husband. I do not know who this man is. Other times he can be so sweet. In the beginning I felt only anger towards him. Now I am feeling empathy. I go back and forth. I feel the doctors need to confront him head on but they seem to gently walk around his diagnosis... never using MCI or dementia... only with me! I understand you feeling you had two wives. In the middle of this, I took my wedding ring and had it redone for the second husband. Now I am on my third. He no longer can fly, play golf and all but one of his friends are gone. One of his old golf buddies takes him to lunch once a month. I am certain it is a one sided conversation.... old war stories from my husband who is a high ranking retired military officer. He is afraid to give up control, I am at times afraid of him physically, we need to move into a smaller home, my husband cannot and will not accept change. I don’t think he is ready for inpatient or even day care.
I guess I am asking for some guidance. When does he stop driving and who is to tell him, why am I expected to cook for him to keep his weight up when I am fighting weight gain, why does the VA not have anything to offer for his condion... “only traumatic brain and alzheimers; he does not fit in any of our groups.” He is 100 per cent disabled. What comes next? No wonder our VA is a one star and we no longer go there. His doctor would not meet with me due to HIPPA?? I told her I only wanted her to listen. That is not breaking HIPPA rules!
I know you do not have answers for me, Scott. I have to figure this out myself but it sure feels good putting it out there.
His SCA was the day after he turned 57. I was 55. We were fortunate in that we did a lot of traveling with his work and my work. We are fortunate in that we have a secure monthly income. But if he keeps giving money away, we won’t be so secure. I hate him and yet love him for who he was, all at the same time.