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Caregiver for spouse with MCI (Mild cognitive impairment)

Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Jul 28, 2020 | Replies (46)
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@janeejane

My husband is a Sudden Cardiac Arrest Survivor of 14 years. He was in neuro rehab for 1 month then outpatient rehab for at least 6 months. Everyone kept telling us how lucky we were to have my husband “back.” He has never been “back.” A once loving successful man, he was hired and 3 months later fired from a professional job. Fired from four volunteer jobs, insisted on taking over our finances which I agreed to, except taxes. Diagnosed 3 years ago with MCI. Now post anoxic dementia. Does not accept diagnosis, have tried multiple counselors who only made him angry. I am the sole caregiver with children who support me from a distance. I am finding my usually happy self becoming seriously depressed. I have no idea what to do. Lawyer says go to court and take over finances... easier said then done. Find it hard to have the energy to connect with friends. Please help. I have considered suicide but do not want to lay this on our children so have decided against it.
How do I continue to live with this controlling man, one I no longer know. A man who was once a kind gentleman and good father.

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Replies to "My husband is a Sudden Cardiac Arrest Survivor of 14 years. He was in neuro rehab..."
Scott, Volunteer Mentor | @IndianaScott | Oct 5, 2018

Hello @janeejane I am sorry to read of your husband's diagnosis and also of your struggles with the demands and realities of caregiving. I am Scott and while I am happy you found Mayo Connect I immediately suggest you seek help for your suicidal thoughts. While almost every caregiver gets overwhelmed and depressed at times, suicide is something you should seek immediately help for! Either your doctor or a therapist might be of help -- or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline https://988lifeline.org. It is nothing to shrug off for sure!

I know when my wife's disease began to effect her abilities to think rationally I did seek professional advice and did the tough work of getting established as her legal guardian for finances, health care, etc. i think your lawyer is spot on suggesting you need to legally take over your finances since your husband has been diagnosed with dementia.

I also know from my wife's disease progression it is very, very hard when the person we loved is now a truly different person. It makes caregiving even more challenging, but that is often what these darn diseases do ... they steal our loved ones away from us leaving us with someone else in their place. I used to tell our children I was only married once, but was married to two women.

Superheros only live in the comic books, so there is no way caregivers can do everything all the time, no matter who much we may want to!

Have you looked into a care facility for your husband?

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