Ginger, Volunteer Mentor,
Can I adopt you?
Your words are like a soothing balm to my raggedy old soul. I have been in Autistic Burn Out for quite some time. My brother John tried to warn me. He kept telling me to slow down, when ALL I could do was advocate, pray, cry, and cry again.

All the feels. The heartbreak, sadness, turmoil, rejection, of masses fell upon me. And I grieved for them. I felt....what....they...felt.
And I gave them what I needed when I was in their shoes. I will never stop as long as I have breath.

Yet somehow I must learn to release all of that energy so that it does not consume me. My blood pressure was stroke level last week. All because I had to meet and be interviewed by a new counselor I had never met before, in a place I had never been before. I felt like an insect under a microscope. I was terrified.

Yet somehow I had to "mask" enough to get through the interview, because I was beginning to believe that my unmedicated ADHD was the root cause of my meltdowns. The crying at commercials. The nightmares. The loneliness. The depression. I had to see a Psychiatrist in order to be properly treated. My PCP was concerned for me. Was this some type of mood disorder?

I'm too old for all of this. Whatever is at the bottom of this, I surrender. I give up. I'll take the labels, if that's what it takes to feel better. To get better. To BE better. I am not used to putting myself first and it is uncomfortable. Maybe I will have to go on a different med for ADHD. One that won't raise my blood pressure.

Autism in women is not a " thing" here in the South. That one thing right there is enough of a challenge to deal with. I have hope, though. She is Native American, and her office was so welcoming and soothing. She even had a therapy dog. She appears to be open minded, open to Alternative Medicine. I hope she is open minded. I haven t had to prove I was Autistic in a long time.

Thanks for letting me lean on you guys a little bit. This doesn't get any easier.

Love and light, always, my loves,
Mamacita Jane