@mamacita

I'm so happy you're back on Connect and hopefully feeling better! I don't think I'm on the Spectrum, but I too have had to learn to ask for help. Those of us who had to become "adults" when we were really still little kids have a hard time learning how to let our vulnerability show.

When I was 4 years old, I was given responsibility for things far beyond my knowledge or experience. I accepted the responsibility, not knowing that I was far to young to become a mommy to my brother and sister. I needed help myself at that age, but had to put my fears and needs aside and become fierce for my family. As I got older, still in elementary school, I learned that not showing fear, instead showing courage and confronting bullies, etc. was how I could best survive and care for my brother and sister. I was 25 when I finally sought mental health counseling as I recognized that my relationships were awful. I could not give in to letting myself be loved, and was panicking a lot. I'm so thankful that I was able to see that the problem was mine. Well, mine and society's. I worked hard to learn over the next 5 years or so how to express my anger, love and vulnerability, and how to handle my fears. During those years I divorced my alcoholic husband who is no doubt on the Spectrum (I now know)and after several years met and married current husband of 36 years.

Now, my problem is more about letting myself be "helped" too much. That's partly because I am still trying to please, and my husband is more than happy to "rescue" me. I don't like it, so I'm asking/telling him more and more to stop rescuing me. He acquiesces quickly, so I figure he doesn't like it either. LOL Still learning and adjusting our relationship with each year as we change in our elder years. He has been my rock of safety all these years because I know he loves me completely. He's not always happy with what I do or don't do, as I am with him, but we love each other deeply and work to change what we need in our relationship, while being true to our individual selves.

All this to say that I understand the importance and difficulty of asking for help when I need it. Love and peace to you Mamacita.

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