Hello All,

Thank You for all your comments and concerns. I need to stop second guessing myself here, you are all correct. He is sick and perverted. He puts tape recorders hidden when he is not here. He sais I should watch him have sex with wife of whomever I have "cheated" with for pay back!! That comment there really opened my eyes. HE IS SICK and PERVERTED!!! He comments on the way young girls look up to him. I have seen the way his tone changes when he talks to them. At first I thought it was my paranoid jealous imagination. Now I am not so sure, I do see his understanding nature and how the world of child molesters makes him sick and he feels the need to" protect"

I know this is way off me situation here, but I think this is important to get off my chest and help me cope.
I am starting to see the things he claims to make him a" good guy" are sickening. ( I feel extremely sharp today, maybe my brain awake supplements are helping) I really feel bad for his ex wife. He has made me believe she was this cheating, sick person who plays window games and runs to neighbors for attention etc. Well hell, he accuses me of the same thing and it is all FALSE. I now don't believe what he has told me about her, that part anyway. Yes, I believe she sent kids to school without making them brush teeth, clean clothing, homework, etc. (To long of a list to go through, I have my own issues with this sick person.) Yes, that I saw. ( what the hell did he expect she was 19 and he was 31 when they met. He wasn't thinking with his mind if you get my drift.)
I think that is why his youngest is with us. I walk her through the whole health hygiene process.. She for some reason is not afraid of him (this is what I see now with the other two). I however do not feel safe. He has bashed in an ex girlfriends face (so he said) His ex wife called the cops on him 6 times. I am now seeing why he reached for me. Damn I am stupid as shit. He is right about that!
I questioned why my son won't let my granddaughter come here and spend the night. He must feel that. Thank goodness for that. But to my BF he thinks my son is a spoiled middle class brat. (OMG, the lightbulb just went off) He hates middle class families. I was one, but we worked damn hard for it!!! he came from poor, mental illness, alcohol, family, His mom went mental when he was 9, she walked away with a shopping cart. He repeats what he has gone through over and over to try to manipulate me? (He told his daughter this morning that I am out of commission?? and from what I saw scared her this am about something before school.) It has been working,. Not today!!! I am shutting down the sympathy for him. No more dude. I know I am rambling on and on here. Wow, it took effexor detox to make me realize this??? I want to slap the crap out of the pharmaceutical companies if there is any truth to that....
I need to stop for now.

I know he is no good for me!! I dont want nor do I want someone else to be a statistic. He can keep thinking he is good looking (of course he is) and that everyone wants a piece of his poison. Go for it dude. I want no part!!!!

My brain is going way to fast, I need to stop relax, go back to my gardening for therepy for about an hour then pick back up with my thoughts.

@Thank You everyone for all your posts and advice!!! I need this! Soo bad. I don't know how to convey to you how much better and stronger I feel today. I finally feel like I am not crazy and someone out there believes me. Thank You! I know it is going to be a long road. Please keep the advice coming. I am taking it all in....