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No, this relationship is toxic for both of us. I believe he is right in a lot of aspects, but I am as well. He doesn't know everything and everyone's feelings like he thinks he does. He is trying to make me think he is this person that is above and better. He preaches what a good man he is and how he just wants to protect and that's why he is the way he is. He believes he is one of the few good men out there... Hell maybe he is right and I have to learn the hard way.?? It's a chance I am willing to take. I am not going to miss out on the things I love to do because he thinks I am out there cheating and posting myself. That is not true, that is his paranoid personality from his wifes cheating on him. I am a strong woman (he jokes(seriously) that I am a tough guy) I am not a woman, no woman of his would act that way. It just goes on and on. Forgive me for rambling, I just need to get these thoughts out on paper. It helps. Maybe some insight from outside the box can see things better. Maybe I am way off base and all of what he is saying is correct and I just don't know anything. I was married for 30 years. Some good some bad years. I had an affair with him during that time. He called on me 15 years after the affair. (what does that mean) why did he call? Why couldn't I resist him the second time around. Is this the animalistic instinct people talk about. I am really rambling now. I need to seek professional help and move on. It is really sad. THe huge problem is he and his daughter live here and will have to move. He has no job, no car.? I worry where he will go and how he will survive. Why can't I just say it's not my problem. I guess down deep I feel responsible?
Is all of this the results of Effexor??? To mess with peoples minds. Or is this all just coincidentally happening as I am tapering off this drug? WOW
Replies to "No, this relationship is toxic for both of us. I believe he is right in a..."
@mjsmimi Should you ever feel threatened or unsafe, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233. You may wish to visit their website now to get familiar with the services they offer http://www.thehotline.org/ On the website you can use the online chat and get help without saying a word.
By contacting the Hotline, you can work with professionals to find safety and a solution that is right for you.
I've read all your posts on this thread, and there are three areas to address.
1. Yes, withdrawal from Effexor can play tricks on your mind and cause all kinds of reactions. Please look at the thread that has "Tips on withdrawing from Effexor." The posts there will give you an idea of what you can expect during withdrawal. Also, you may want to slow your withdrawal during this time. Talk with your doctor about it.
2. Even though you're withdrawing from Effexor, you're not crazy. What you are perceiving in your boyfriend is real and very concerning. I agree with Mamacita that you are in a potentially dangerous situation right now. Stop concerning yourself with how your BF is going to make it without you. Since he called you when he didn't have a job, that may be one of the ways he survives. He will quickly find another woman who "he can save" after you split with him I suspect. He doesn't sound stable, so I think you need to stop second guessing yourself, and ask him to leave.
You may want to see a lawyer before you tell him to move out. You may also want to talk with the police and tell them that you are going to ask him to leave, and let them know the kinds of things he has talked about with you. The drawing of the bombshelter with a tripwire is very concerning to me. You should ask about getting a restraining order against him so you know what you need to do just in case. Take care of your safety before you make any moves to ask him to leave.
3. I hope you will take care of yourself. Many/most of us women have been brainwashed since childhood to accept that men are right, and we are wrong and therefore are responsible for mens' happiness or unhappiness. None of those things are true. Each of us is responsible for our own happiness or unhappiness after the age of 21. When we're children we are dependent on others in our lives for nearly everything. We learn who we can or cannot trust, etc. When we become adults we learn how to be independent, and eventually recognize that interdependence is a positive way to live for most people. You and your BF don't seem to be independent or interdependent adults since he wants to dominate you and is busy convincing you that you can't trust yourself aND heven knows best. He knows what's best for Him, not you.
You Can and Must trust yourself, especially now. Take action to regain your life and self trust, and do it in a way that will cause him the least discomfort possible without sacrificing your own dignity, self respect, and safety. Talk to the professionals I have suggested above before taking action. Also, talk with your therapist about what you're experiencing. You may want some counseling to help clear your mind, and figure out why you thought you needed a person like him in your life. In the meantime, please take care of yourself. I'm sorry you have to go through what you're experiencing right now. I've been in a similar situation a couple of times in my life, and they were very disturbing. I learned some very important things about myself and the world as a result. I wish you the best in resolving this situation. Please keep me informed about how you are doing.
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Thank You Ginger for responding. Any outside perspective is helpful. Someone looking in not within.