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Recently returned to Canada from my native land in Northern Europe where I have two adult children. Upon my return here I feel sad and even panicky. My great fear is to die alone in some hospital ward. It is a fear that surfaces periodically and is quite numbing. It prevents me from sleeping and I feel deeply distressed. I take no medication except an occasional Ativan. Afraid of developing a dependency. Just discovered this web page and find it helpful (why are there so few men on it?). A friend suggests Citalopram and I would like to hear from others about your experience with it,
Replies to "Recently returned to Canada from my native land in Northern Europe where I have two adult..."
You may be right. Men my age tend to be afraid of anything that might suggest weakness. Not easy to find men to exchange with. Thanks for responding.
@gunnar I cannot imagine my husband ever getting involved with something like this. He is 12 years older than I am and as we age the difference becomes more noticeable, not less. When I realized that I was quite surprised. He has gotten a little bit more open in the last couple of years though.
JK
I'm here in Iowa all my life but I feel like a twin to you in some ways. I think of dying alone and don't feel like I have much family emotional support. I don't want to take habit forming drugs. Between the lonliness of being alone in addition to what you're saying, doctors have put me on antidepressants for a few years about two years ago. I had a number of car accidents, which I think were due to slowed reactions to situations. I refuse to take medications for this. I think the fear of dying alone and my loneliness are really the same thing. I haven't had any accidents since getting off the oppiods and antidepressants.
Thank you for taking the time to answer. Strange how there is comfort feeling others share some of the same thoughts.
@maureercria I think the fear of dying alone is very real. I hear you about the drugs. I never let my family know how I really feel as I would never see them again. I so enjoy time with my little grandson, but have been ousted out for now or at least it seems this way. My son comes by with him when he is allowed to do so.
I hear you on the car accidents as I have known others that have had this problem. It is "your" choice. Loneliness is such a dark place. I am pleased to hear you have had no more car accidents.
@gunnar To admit a weakness is a strength. Anxiety can be crippling and panic attacks are brutal-also embarrassing when it happens in public. Feeling insecure and uncertain does not help.
Thank you.
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@gunnar I can understand your fears. That would be frightening to almost anyone I think.
I suspect the reason that there are so few men on here is because many men think it shows a sign of weakness to reach out for help and compassion. Hopefully the younger generation will not have those hangups.
JK