Hi@nwester. I am a mentor here, but came here because in many ways I was in your position. I was retired at 50 (actually 46) by a pancreas that decided to stop working properly. The primary symptom is severe abdominal pain and it does not relent completely ever. A good day is if it does not reach 5 on the pain scale and that is with at least a 24 hr. extended release dilaudid in my system. So, my pain is a bit different, but the feeling of being trapped is exactly as you describe it and I think you have done so very eloquently. I can only offer that if you can find anything that you are able to do that takes your focus away from your troubles, do it and do it often if possible. For me that is attempting to help people with my experiences with my illness, the healthcare system, being at home alone a lot, etc...And, we all need encouragement from wherever we can find it, so I try to do that, but often receive far more than I give. I will definitely say a prayer for some relief and that you will find something positive to do that adds to your feelings of worth!