Checking in...Right now I can hardly smile. I also realize that minute by minute, I can feel my body sinking into depression. My brain, muscles, there is no life in me...no vibrancy. I am feeling an incredible weight.
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Now realize, I am incredibly attuned to my body, mind and spirit, much more so than a usual person.
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I moved in December, just 37 miles but out of the wilderness to the biggest city of the area. Southern Missouri...almost 4,000 folks here in this big city. Giggling, I used to be a Chicago girl.
I caught that giggle, did you?
My life instantly turned around from a secretly sad lonely 68 year old woman who isolated to being the Darling of the Senior Center and now also the local legion hall of Vets...
I was singing, telling jokes to the entire room alot, back to the extrovert I was raised to be, touching folks...why? Cuz no body touches old people...just saying...
Anyway, I was having the time of my life...I came alive, it was wonderful. Wow, look I am writing in past tense...interesting...as if that new life is gone. (Bear with me, not exactly rambling cuz there is intent in what I am doing...)
Singing is a gift that was just returned to me around valentines day after almost dying...I lost my ability to sing and play my mandolin because my multiple sclerosis took it in 2006. The biggest loss of my life.
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So back to this wonderful life I had...
Monday I went to lunch at the senior center, and just didn't want to go to Monday nite music. Same as last week.
Tuesday, went to the Vets breakfast, but had not baked anything for it. Lunch as usual...home...
Today I chose not to go for coffee with the vets, even though I am told each time to sit at the Commanders table and the jokes do fly. Lunch, barely ate 1/3 of my lunch. Feeling so depressed. Not going to Thursday night music and did not bake for it.
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Ok now the rest of the story.
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The only thing that is different in my life is since December, I used to take 2,400 mg CBD each month. Because of lack of availability I was cut down to 600mg for this month.
The CBD allowed me to become the extrovert I am and the loss of the CBD sent me right back to the secretly sad, lonely depressed woman who is again starting to cut things out of my life that gave me thrills to participate in last month.
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As I read this, I realize I don't care either. I can't believe I am saying all this and don't even care. Life with out CBD is no life for me.
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Wow
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CBD is being ordered first thing in the am, payday...
I WANT MY LIFE BACK.
Bright Wings
@merry, is there any way you can copy this and post it in withdrawing from Effexor? Thanks..BW

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