Holidays are difficult for many, including me It always takes me back to my childhood Christmas's and I begin o yearn for the happy Christmas of my childhood. My Christmas memories are from my young childhood days. We were always reminded of what the Season was about so Christmas Mass is always a part of my Christmas. I tend to see the peaceful times of Christmas, but my sister who is 6 years older remembers a different piece of Christmas. She, being the oldest, would be our babysitter. She remembers waiting up for our parents to return from the Annual Christmas party given by my mother's employer. Her memory is one of worry and anxiety. My parents would get drunk and would have to drive a high, windy road to get home. Her fear was that they would no return. It is amazing how perception of events is seen so differently by each of us. Leaving that behind for the time I will share my feelings of this year's Christmas. My husband died on Jan. 7, 2018. Last Christmas day we spent in his hospital room. Sad, but we were together. This year not. We attended Christmas Mass together for 23 years, holding hands throughout the beautiful Service. I am holding on to these beautiful memories. The fear of falling totally apart frightens me. I will attend the morning Mass and pan to quietly spending Christmas Eve with my ever so loved Beagle dog named Roosevelt. I am very involved with Hospice and their counselors and the people I have met through them are awesome. Getting back to CBD use and depression I must say that I feel the CBD along with my prescribed medications are helping me to sort out some of my feelings in a bit calmer way. I have to put the rest in God's hands. I am not changing any of my medications during this emotional season per doctor's orders. Thank you.