Dear shoregal45, I do grasp and apprehend your misery and deep sadness. We small sisterhood of aged single females know sorrows of which few others experience. I'm passing on a quotation that gives me comfort and perspective during my difficult moments. It is by Edward Fitzgerald {1809-1883} from The Rubdyydt of Omar Khayydm:
The Moving Finger writes: and having
writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a
Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word
of it.

In other words---our deeply comforting relationships are transitory and we mortals are hapless and miserable at their passing. We, also, must move on. There are many useful suggestions presented herein to help find wholeness again. I hope you do.