Hi, @stlouisgmajenn - first of all, I wanted to say that I'm so sorry you have endured so much pain, and from your own family members. The place that was supposed to be safe for you as a child clearly was not, and that is heartbreaking.

You mentioned "survivors unite." In that same vein, your post is merged with this one, as I thought you'd like to hear from members discussing familial abuse here, like @theotherone (note he has also written a book), @gailb, @parus, @underedwardstale2018 @amberpep and others. Hoping that they will have some insights for you on what you endured with abuse from your father and with your mom ignoring your pain.

You talked about taking care of your 87-year-old mother now. What is your relationship like at this point? Is your father still living?

Hi, @stlouisgmajenn , this is Mamacita, Jane, otherwise known as Volunteer Mentor for Mayo Clinic Connect. I would like to give you a very special welcome aboard. I try to check in with this very special group as often as possible, as they give me strength, hope, inspiration, and insight. Also, they can be a really fun bunch to just simply "hang out" with.

Now, I will share with you that I have not always wanted to be a writer. When I was little, I wanted to be in the Army, teach school, be a nurse, and be a Mommy. I did start writing poetry when my youngest daughter was in high school. From there I started reading the articles in the newspaper by a lovely person named Wendy Lang. Local celebrity and later, a dear friend.

Earlier I read books by an Alabama celebrity and Nobel Prize winner, Rick Bragg. He grew up with some of my childhood friends, just down the road from where I attended University. His portrayal of growing up poor in the rural South was life-changing for me. I love his style of writing, which is writing just like he talks

I don't know if you can call me a writer, but, I too, write like I talk. I like to think that when we get together here, we are virtual friends who just haven't had the chance to meet in person yet.

The thing is, when I first started coming here, I just needed to vent. I was badly broken. To tell you the truth, I wasn't even sure I could ever be "fixed." Why, half the reason I majored in Psycholgy was to try to understand myself, and my broken family. I know it is why I ended up in Social Work, and later, Special Education. I felt better helping other people, because I knew what it felt like to be battered, broken, and alone.

There are many kinds of abuse. Verbal, phtysical, and sexual, are among the most rampant. With. Sexual abuse there are many layers. Any breach of the boundaries that should exist within the family setting, is traumatic, painful, and heartbreaking.

I experienced all types of abuse as a child. I blocked almost all of it out until the day I found myself lying curled up on my bed, in a fetal position. I immediately sought out Psychiatric help. Fortunately I found a decent one, and later a good counselor, who did pretty well, with the information I had given them.

But, oh...there was a problem. I didn't trust either if them. So I didn't tell either of them the whole story. You can imagine how well that went. Unnecessary suffering on my part, because I didn't feel I could trust anyone.

Sorry this is so long. But just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I am here for you. The other mentors and members of the group you will come to know will gladly hear your heart's cry, and will keep your story safe. You are welcome to private message us at any time.
We have a saying at the Adults On The Autism Spectrum site, "We are better together." My hope is that you come to feel that way here. "Talk" with you later?!